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“Your children don’t deserve your anger, hurt or pain. Instead shower them with love, compassion and empathy. Think of them as little people and not children”

Dr. Prerna Kohli

Firstly, Anger is a powerful emotion which may be more destructive if not expressed productively. Likewise, anger can be expressed in two ways- exploding and imploding. Furthermore, as the words suggest, explosive anger can be heard, felt, and sensed. Whereas, implosive anger is quiet, and goes unnoticed. It often moderates to severe depression.

Modeling is the process when an individual learns a certain behavior by observing others. Parents are the primary teacher to the children and children imitate the primary caregiver’s angry attitudes and behaviors and learning anger. Because of exposure to parental angry directly or indirectly, the child develops poor over-all adjustment and various other issues.

Effects of angry parents on children:

• The child becomes more aggressive and less empathetic.
• Likewise, they might also develop depression, social alienation, spouse abuse.
• The child also happens to gain fear, anxiety and low self-esteem.
• Children have troubles regulating their emotions and anger.
• They also have feeble problem-solving skills and low perceptual learning.

Moreover, taking a deep breath and other various relaxation techniques help control anger at the immediate necessity. Because finding your trigger and understanding your thought has been proven to reason with anger.  You will find many tips and techniques in other articles on this website to manage your anger.

Benefits of healthy coping of anger around kids:

1. Calm interaction with children
2. Become less afraid of the child’s anger
3. Can model coping with anger effectively
4. Less likely to be harmful in anger outburst
5. Feel more in charge and confident

In conclusion, if you feel that your anger management issues are impacting the wellbeing of your child, please consult with an experienced Psychologist.

To learn about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

No relationship is ever broken unless you give up. Rebuilding a relationship is not easy after an Anger Outburst. You may feel angry, discouraged and disappointed. But stay, and work through it.

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli

First of all controlling emotions is the first step namely in rebuilding a relationship. It is most important to create a rationale environment for healthy communication and conflict resolution by learning how to control your anger.

Furthermore, what is more, important than anger is how it is expressed, is it appropriate? Anger is a primary emotion like joy, fear, happiness, and sadness. Fury is not something to be thrown out of the system but rather maintained from not blowing up.

Anger outburst leads to feelings of mistrust, hurt and betrayal. In conclusion, anger may also end up destroying your relationship. How does one repair this broken relationship?

Taking time out

Cooling off before re-engaging to resolve or addressing whatever needs to be addressed is more likely to work in helping control anger and its consequences. Taking time or walking away does not mean you are avoiding the issue but having some time to calm yourself down.

 Understand the impact

It is impossible to work your brains while having an outburst. The major task at hand is to own up to your emotions. Above all, try to comprehend the repercussions of your anger reactivity. Most importantly, collecting your thoughts in times of stress before saying anything to the other person eliminates the hurt and pain that might be caused.   

Forgive

Above all it is impossible to regain trust without letting go of the grudge and finding inner peace with the situation. Forgiveness is not about the other person’s anger but for own emotional freedom. When going through the situation, we tend to blame ourselves and are too critical of ourselves. It is important to forgive yourself and the other person.

Support one another

Even more, the best way to rebuild the relationship is to support each other in this journey of flaws and growth. Offering compassion helps find the lost love and something positive to look forward to. Nothing can be stronger than working on the relationship together.  

Go out

Overbearing anger in parts of your life can be exhausting. It is vital to let off some steam and take a day or a few days out of routine to rekindle in a new, neutral environment.

Get professional help

Finally, building a relationship post anger outburst is difficult. It is highly recommended to get help individually and together from an experienced psychologist to help resolve the issues and build a healthy relationship.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images are courtesy Pixabay

Road rage is a result of poor anger management skills. Anger management is both educational and therapeutic contributing leading to a happier you.

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli

There is little to no awareness and concern of road rage and its consequences in this era of millennials in our country. In layman terms, road rage is an aggressive behavior of a driver while on road towards the other vehicle drivers. In today’s time, collisions, threat, and assault in high numbers are caused due to road rage.

Studies conclude that at least 80% of drivers experience anger while driving in a year but not all engage in road rage. This could be the result of better anger management skills and the availability of efficient tools to deal with anger to them. There is a high possibility that the rager might also have anger issues in other aspects of his life as well.

Almost all anger on the road incidents arises due to two main processes: threat and drive. A threat is when a driver cuts in front to you, causing you to apply the brake suddenly. Likewise, if someone is driving slow or blocks us, there is a sudden reaction of anger to push through the obstacles.

Prevention for aggression on roads:

1.   Aggression is caused because of lack of sleep. Therefore, it is important to get enough rest

2.   Limit alcohol- alcohol is a risk factor at roads, more so it increases rage. Hence, it is recommended to limit alcohol intake in day to day life.

3.   Leaving early for destinations reduces rash driving and lessens aggressive behavior on road.

4.   Play soothing music which helps calm the anger while driving.

5.   Putting pictures of your loved ones on your dashboard serves as a reminder to not engage in any unsafe behavior.

6.   Learn better coping mechanism for anger. The most noteworthy step is to learn about anger management.

Above all, fury on the road is growing due to the lack of empathy amongst drivers. Aggression is the result of absences of personal touch with other drivers while driving, also the heavy metal of the car as road ragers does not think of the consequences as dangerous.

How to respond to road rage:

1.  Change lanes, when being tailgated.   

2. Do not return gestures or get into a verbal spat, rather ignore.

3.   Slow down and let them pass.

4.   Rager is less dangerous ahead. Hence, stay behind them.

5.   Deep breaths and relax.

In conclusion, you might be the offender or the victim but it is equally important to consult with an experienced psychologist to help you manage your anger issues or help you with the traumatic stress of being on road.  

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images are courtesy Pixabay

Anger is an emotion, and emotions are meant to be short-lived. Excitement, fear, sadness, surprise, irritation- all are emotions that pass through a person all day. But for some people, anger persists, and through its persistence, anger causes harm. It is very important, for their health, that these people let go of this stored anger. Here are some solutions that will help to drop the anger habit.

Living without resolution

If you are the kind of person who holds on to anger until you can resolve the problem that caused it in the first place then you have to know that it is a great approach if you are dealing with a solvable problem. But if the problem can’t be resolved at all – or at least not completely, then what purpose does the anger serve? Many conflicts and situations will be encountered by you in life that, despite your best efforts will not have a happy or desired outcome, in such cases, you will have to live with these problems- without resolution. If anger is not the solution, if it can’t undo what’s been done then it is time to let it go.

Accepting rather than suppressing anger

  If you have ever tried to repress a thought then you would have experienced that the more you resist the thought, the more it persists. In other words, the attempt to repress the thought usually backfires. It’s the same with emotions like anger. The more you tell yourself- “I’m not mad”, the longer you stay mad. Here are some steps that will help you to let the anger go.

•    Identify the source of your anger- what time, place or person was the cause of your anger? How long ago was this?

•    Acknowledge your angry feelings- say aloud, “I’m angry because……”, then decide how angry you are.

•    Legitimize your anger- you tell yourself that you have the right to feel emotions like anger. You don’t have to justify your anger.

•    Give yourself permission to express anger if you can think of a potentially useful outcome- you can express anger in a lot of constructive ways. It is not always to be associated with violence, rudeness and incivility.

To Learn More About Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixbay

We are aware of the fact that it is better to deal with situations well in advance which may later create problems and lead to maladjustment. This fact is equally applicable to anger. Managing anger is important for an individual because it more likely impairs sound judgment, damages interpersonal relationships, blocks achievement and success and also creates a negative impact on the way people see you.

 3 benefits of anger management :

Anger management can help us in having sound physical health. A high level of anger state leads to continuous stress and tension which has an adverse effect on our physical health. Anger management can help us in preventing heart diseases, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, insomnia, and high blood pressure by strengthening our immune system.

Anger management can help us in having positive mental health. Studies reveal that chronic anger consumes a large amount of our mental energy and blocks the rationale thinking which may further lead to impaired judgment. Where in, anger management is a positive way which can help us focusing, making choices, concentrating, looking at facts and figures, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life. Thus, it helps us in preventing psychological disorders like depression, hypertension and other mental health problems.

Anger management can help us in having positive interpersonal relationships. Explosive anger leads to conflicts, differences, hatred, and lack of trust amongst individuals. Anger management helps in the outlet of the emotion in a constructive way which can create a positive and healthy interpersonal relationship anywhere (at home, at the workplace, amongst friends and so on).

If you find that, despite putting the anger management techniques into practice, you are unable to handle the situation, you need external help! In conclusion, when your Anger interferes with your day to day life, you need to consult with an experienced Psychologist.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

What is Anger

Anger is one of the basic emotions found amongst all individuals in any part of the world. In other words, it can be said to be a human emotion which is completely normal and healthy. Nonetheless, when it gets out of control, it can lead to destruction, and havoc results. For example, it may lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships and can have a negative impact on your quality of life.

7  Forces of Anger

It is interesting to know that anger as an emotion is felt due to several underlying forces or reasons. Some of the underlying forces behind anger are:

• Anger is often felt when we think of something we desired but did not get at the childhood stage.

• when we are exhausted, stressed out and our body resources are down the tendency to have the emotion of anger is high.

• When we are angry, we lack the power of logical reasoning. In other words, we are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.

• We often become angry towards an individual who possesses the trait which we cannot tolerate even within ourselves.

• Astonishingly, anger felt today may be a result of old disappointments, traumas, and triggers.

• Past events may act as a trigger for generating the emotion of anger. For example, at times we get angry because we were hurt as a child.

• We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.

Thus, although the emotion is strongly felt, we try to find out different ways which may be a conscious or an unconscious method to reflect or deal with it.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli, click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

Angry birds is not just an animation game, but a lot of us are angry birds in our real lives. Anger is one of the basic emotions and it is very normal to express the same. But it is a matter of concern if it runs rampant. Question is how to control anger?

Here are some tips to get a hold of your anger:

Write it down

You can pen down your thoughts, instead of displaying them out loud. Writing it down gives you time to analyze the whole situation. You can process your actions and reactions.

Keep a track

You can create an anger log and it may help you in providing insights about your behaviour. You may need not to maintain it for a longer duration, but doing so for 3-4 weeks will surprise you and reveal a lot to you about yourself.

Breathing Technique

When we are angry our whole body changes. Our heart runs fast, body temperature rises and breathes are shorter. Inhaling and exhaling deeply few times help us to control these physiological reactions.

Work out

Exercising is one of best ways to channelize all your energy and vent out the negativity we hold inside us. To begin with, you can follow a very basic workout regime. Try following various Zumba lessons easily available on YouTube. In fact, there are various apps available now that help you start with a workout plan at home only. Make use of such available options.

Beware of the triggers

Through keeping a track and writing down your thoughts in a journal, you can always figure out the factors that trigger anger in you. Stay clear of such situations in order to keep your cool.

Take a Break

When you are in a situation where your anger might just flare up, just detach yourself from that situation. Go to other room or just take a walk outside to divert yourself. You can try counting, as suggested by many. It is better to take the control before acting your anger out loud.

Understand the reason

Look for the clues and track down the reasons for your anger. As much as it is important to learn how to control your anger, it is equally important to learn the reasons behind your behaviour. At times, a factor might be precipitating for you and not for others.

Take Help

If you are unable to keep yourself calm and you feel you just blow things out of proportion due to your anger, seek professional help. There is no shame in the same and rather than hurting people around us and later regretting our words and actions, make amends in your behaviour beforehand.

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Read more about Anger management

At the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel burdened with inconclusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions. And this is absolutely acceptable. While your friends and family feel thankful for your break-up, they may not be able to understand the emotional turmoil going inside your heart and brain. But you should not carry on with toxic relationship

Let’s look at the end of an abusive relationship from the following aspects:

Mental and Emotional Health

Post being dumped by the person whom you considered to be your one and only soul mate, you might go through a roller coaster of emotions. The symptoms are often similar to that of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There might not be any visible scars to make it obvious that you are hurt, but the pain is similar to that of a physical injury.
You might even show obsessive behaviour, where you constantly think about your ex, your break up.
The more the covert these symptoms are, the more damage it can do to your emotional stability and the ability to overcome the trauma.

Attachment or Addiction?

When two people part their ways in a healthy way, they may feel hurt, but it does not take a psychological toll on the two persons involved. They eventually move on as a practical approach was followed to end the relationship. But in an emotionally abusive relationship, the break up isn’t as clean, rather the abuser is manipulative.
The victim might not recognize signs and develop an emotional attachment towards them.
You might re-run the events from your relationship in your mind several times throughout the day or read the old conversations.
Being with a person becomes addictive over a period of time, like an unhealthy attachment. It might seem normal and justified to the victim, but this really hampers their emotional well-being.

Moving on!

The first step to moving on is to accept your situation. A few things that you could do to overcome such a relationship are:

Take care of your emotions

Repairing your emotions requires great efforts. When you get abandoned by someone you are so addicted to, it affects your self-esteem negatively. You can feel used and discarded, angry and isolated. Instead of suppressing and being a home to them, it is very important that you accept and acknowledge your emotions. Recognize how you feel. You can make a journal about the same. If you feel like crying or screaming, do that.

Pen it down

At times it might be difficult for you to talk about your broken relationship and what all you went through in that. But it is important to express in order to heal. To start with, you can keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions, gradually opening up about it verbally.

Confide in Close ones

You can always count on your close friends and families when you feel the need to. Surround yourself with people. Avoid isolating yourself with your thoughts all the time.

Cut-off contact with the abuser

You need to cut off the contact with your ex. Being vulnerable might drag you to his doors, but this would be unhealthy. It is important to maintain a distance when you part ways with your abuser. You may feel a pull towards him, but remember it is unhealthy for your mental health if you remain connected to him.

Do not stalk

It may seem like a nice idea to keep a tab on your ex by stalking him on social media or keeping in touch with his friends. But this is not ideal. You must focus investing your time and energy on yourself rather than knowing about his whereabouts.

Postpone important decisions

In the times, when you are emotionally unstable it is better to not make any important life decisions, which may affect your future. Let yourself feel and heal for some time first.

Practice patience

For a physical injury to heal there is always a defined set of medicines and treatment method that one follows and gets okay. But for an emotional setback, you need to give yourself time. Every person takes their own time to get out of an emotional difficulty. Focus on your progress.

Seek Help

If your emotions are way out of control and are hindering with your daily life, you should seek for some professional help. In the times, when we are vulnerable, we might not be in the right state of mind to be emotionally efficient. A bit of advice about situation and lifestyle changes by a professional can prove to be of great help.

Are you in a healthy relationship? Have you been a victim of emotional abuse?

Call us for 15 minutes of free counselling at +91=9069069069.

September 06, 2018, will mark an important day for the LGBT community in India. The Supreme Court of India abolished Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC).  This law came into effect in the year 1982. It stated that the carnal intercourse against the order of nature with man, woman or animal was punishable with imprisonment of a lifetime or at least 10 years of jail, with or without fine.

Today’s judgment symbolizes the beginning of unbiased treatment for the LGBTQ community in our country. For a very long time, the community has been harassed and struggled. They had been treated as the discarded sections, always. But the decision of abolishing Section 377 is a huge initiation in terms of equality.

Chief justice Dipak Misra and Justices DY Chandrachud, AM Khanwilkar, Indu Malhotra, and Rohinton Fali Nariman decreed that LGBTQ community will now have the same sexual rights just like everyone else.

The Journey

In 2009, Delhi High court had declared that any consensual sexual act between homosexuals in private is not illegal. But later, Justice G S Singhvi did not validate the decision and said that it is on the members of Parliament to make any decision on the topic.

However, in April 2014, the Supreme Court suggested the government to declare transgender as the third sex and should be able to practice all the rights under the law and also asked the community in the OBC category. Naz Foundation in April 2016 filed a petition and the Chief Justice, TS Thakur decided to review the same along with a constitutional bench of 5 other members.

The Verdict

Finally, following the small steps over the time, here is the decision, taken for the welfare of the LGBTQ community. From the common man to the United Nations, everyone is praising the decision. There is a wave of happiness all over the country.

The Psychological Benefits of the verdict

The verdict is the right step in the direction of equality as there will be no victimization or labelling of any alternate sexuality. This might not end discrimination totally, but this will open the doors of acceptance for people of the LGBT community. The harassment and blackmailing of the gay people will stop, which had actually been one of the major reasons in the past for them to remain in the closet. The homosexuals who married the opposite sex due to the stigma can come out now, ending their unhappy marriages.

Accepting others for who they are is the biggest support one can give each other. Sexuality is not an acquired trait, its very much natural.

All the protests and demonstrations finally end in a fruitful result. From here on, there will be hearts full of love and heads held up high with pride.

Learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli

What are the Personality Disorders?

You would be suffering from a Personality Disorder if you have unhealthy and rigid patterns of Thinking, behaving and functioning. It is difficult to diagnose if you have a personality disorder because the way you behave and think is very natural to you. Since,You often find that the problems you have to face are due to other people around you and not due to your specific actions. Hence,You find it difficult to adjust to your work and interpersonal relationships.

These are relatively permanent patterns in the way you behave and experience inner emotions. The pattern is seen in areas of your thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and impulse management.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD)?

The classic description of NPD in one word is the pattern of “Grandiosity”, either in behavior or fantasy. You will have a longing desire for admiration from everyone and a complete absence of empathy towards other people. If you suffer from NPD, you will have an unshakable belief about your being of primary importance to anyone and everyone you meet.

People with NPD  generally have patronizing and snobbish attitudes. If you find yourself or a friend of yours complain about most of the people around themselves and finds faults about them; It could be an indication of NPD.

People with this Personality disorder believe that they are superior or special and like to bond with others who they believe are unique and special. When they associate with special people,their self-esteem is boosted, which is generally fragile in their cases. In addition,people with NPD cannot stand criticism or rejection in any form.

Specific symptoms of NPD

• You feel yourself to be “Very Important”
• Fantasizing about power, success, beauty, ideal romance or Intelligence
• You believe yourself to be unique and hence can only be understood by a few special people
• Need constant admiration and attention from others
• You always have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment from others
•  Do not hesitate to take advantage of others to reach your goals
• You have no empathy for the feelings of other people
•  Think others are jealous of you and You are jealous of others
• You always show an arrogant attitude and behavior

Possible causes and Treatment

The cause of NPD, like most of the personality disorders, are not very clear and absolute;However, But both genetic and environmental factors are responsible for the development of this condition. Early life experiences play a major role.

Hence, Treatment of NPD is difficult due to the pervasive underlying low self-esteem and hence the defensiveness and projected grandiosity. Also, It is very difficult for such people to acknowledge vulnerability. Although, Individual Therapy and Group Therapy can help them in relating to others in a more empathetic way and understand their patterns of behavior.

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