Blog

A history of child abuser, not only affects a child emotionally but also the development of the brain. The child feels the safest with the parent. But what happens when the parent becomes the abuser?

In Psychology, Munchausen syndrome by proxy is classified under the factitious disorder. A factitious disorder is a mental illness where the person would deliberately fake or exaggerate an illness and has two types. First is the one that the person imposes on self. Second is the one that the person imposes on other.

This is often accompanied by extreme emotional difficulties and stress.

A caregiver or a child abuser?

A child abuser will fall under the second category of this disorder. The person will falsify the symptoms of all illness in others under their care. Their victims are usually children, old people, any disabled person. This is more common in mothers. Their main intention is to seek other people’s attention. They could go up to a limit of harming their own child.

Early Signs

Most of the patients with the condition could have a history of one or more of the following:

• Child abuse/ neglect
• Trauma
• Unhealthy family environment
• Chronic illness to self or any family member
• Extended hospitalization of self or any family member
• Unhealthy social life
• People working in the healthcare sector.

It is believed that biological as well as psychological factors, both contribute to the development of this illness. The presence of several warning signs can be found in such a person. The child has a record of too many hospitalizations and symptoms reported are unusual. The reports and the diagnosis reported does not match. It is always the mother who reports about the decline in child’s health and there is no other witness. The child feels sick around when the mother is around. In the worst cases, one can find the poisonous substance child’s blood or urine. The presence of a similar scenario with siblings or death of a child in similar circumstances may also be a warning sign.

Effect on the child

The diagnosis of the disorder is very difficult. The people believe the parent instead of the child. Hence, such cases remain under-reported. We may feel it is just an attention seeking behaviour. But what we need to understand here is that a constant pattern of an unhealthy behaviour is not normal. More than the mother with the disorder, the child suffers. Falling prey of such a manipulator can lead to lifelong consequences.

Read more about child abuse- https://old.drprernakohli.in/child-abuse/

Learn more about Dr Prerna Kohli

Most of the teachers your child meets are good or even excellent. But, there are few teachers who will try and bully your child. Sometimes, some teacher considers and take their responsibilities as a post of power. Hence, they start bullying your child and try to make them work very hard. Moreover, even when the work is completed, your child is yet scolded than praised for his/her efforts. you shoul take Psychologist advice.

These days physical bullying is still reported, but emotional and psychological bullying is hard to report. Also, most of the parents ignore the plea of the child when the child complains about their teachers. Hence, the reports of bullying teacher are not much. But, it becomes your duty, as a parent, to listen to what your child is saying and take action against the bully.

Thus, below are few tips to Handle a Bully Teacher:

Keep a Record:

Whenever your child comes to you with a complaint about the same teacher, it is important to note down the date, time and what has been said. If other students are also involved or are seeing what is happening, it is a good option to take their account also. Also, if the bullying is extreme, or physical or cyber, then it is best to report to the authorities.

Support Your Child:

It’s important to reassure your child every time they come to you for help. An important part of parenting is to listen to your child and understand their plea. If you see signs of depression or anxiety in your child then please don’t hesitate to visit a psychologist.

Build Self-Esteem:

When your child is going through the experience of bullying, especially by a teacher, their self-esteem starts taking damage. Hence, it is important to boost their self-esteem constantly. You can do that by encouraging their strengths, and activities they like to do. Thus, talking about things other than bullying will help them take their mind off the situation.

Talk to Your Child before a Visit:

As bullying is a serious matter, directly discussing it with the teacher(s) might have repercussions. Hence, it is important to talk with your child first before visiting the teacher. Also, talking and informing about your visit will prepare your child emotionally.

Go through the Chain of Commands:

Before directly going to the highest authority, it is important to follow the chain of commands. A person who is present at the situation will be able to understand the situation better, rather than the person who doesn’t know what is happening. Also, if you directly approach the people who are at the top, they might ask who has sent you to them, or who have you already talked to.

Request a Meeting with the Teacher:

It is important to meet the teacher directly. This way, you will be able to listen to their side also. Also, refrain yourself from shouting, accusing or getting angry. It is important to handle the situation as a mature adult. Also, if you are ready to listen to the teacher’s side the person will be less defensive as they will understand that you are open to perspectives.

Take your Complaint higher if necessary:

Many times, the teacher will resort to blaming, justifying or even not acknowledging the situation. At this point, you can always approach the higher authorities, with all your documentation. If you see, that the principal is also supporting the teacher then take the case to the members of the board.

Do not Let the Bullying continue:

If you see, that even the board members are not taking any action, or not doing anything to help you can always opt for legal actions. Meanwhile, it is advisable to take your child out of the situation and consider a transfer of schools.

Bullying is a serious offence and leaves a huge impact in a child’s life. Hence, it is important to not let this matter go unchecked. Bullying cannot stop without intervention. If you feel that it is still continuing, then it is best to take legal actions and transfer your child to a different school.

Also, if you feel that your child is suffering from any kind of bullying, it is important that you take him to a mental health professional. This is because bullying can have severe repercussions in a child’s mind.

To Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

What are the Personality Disorders?

You would be suffering from a Personality Disorder if you have unhealthy and rigid patterns of Thinking, behaving and functioning. It is difficult to diagnose if you have a personality disorder because the way you behave and think is very natural to you. Since,You often find that the problems you have to face are due to other people around you and not due to your specific actions. Hence,You find it difficult to adjust to your work and interpersonal relationships.

These are relatively permanent patterns in the way you behave and experience inner emotions. The pattern is seen in areas of your thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and impulse management.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD)?

The classic description of NPD in one word is the pattern of “Grandiosity”, either in behavior or fantasy. You will have a longing desire for admiration from everyone and a complete absence of empathy towards other people. If you suffer from NPD, you will have an unshakable belief about your being of primary importance to anyone and everyone you meet.

People with NPD  generally have patronizing and snobbish attitudes. If you find yourself or a friend of yours complain about most of the people around themselves and finds faults about them; It could be an indication of NPD.

People with this Personality disorder believe that they are superior or special and like to bond with others who they believe are unique and special. When they associate with special people,their self-esteem is boosted, which is generally fragile in their cases. In addition,people with NPD cannot stand criticism or rejection in any form.

Specific symptoms of NPD

• You feel yourself to be “Very Important”
• Fantasizing about power, success, beauty, ideal romance or Intelligence
• You believe yourself to be unique and hence can only be understood by a few special people
• Need constant admiration and attention from others
• You always have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment from others
•  Do not hesitate to take advantage of others to reach your goals
• You have no empathy for the feelings of other people
•  Think others are jealous of you and You are jealous of others
• You always show an arrogant attitude and behavior

Possible causes and Treatment

The cause of NPD, like most of the personality disorders, are not very clear and absolute;However, But both genetic and environmental factors are responsible for the development of this condition. Early life experiences play a major role.

Hence, Treatment of NPD is difficult due to the pervasive underlying low self-esteem and hence the defensiveness and projected grandiosity. Also, It is very difficult for such people to acknowledge vulnerability. Although, Individual Therapy and Group Therapy can help them in relating to others in a more empathetic way and understand their patterns of behavior.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

Telepathy is a phenomenon under the broad Umbrella term of Extrasensory Perception(ESP) as defined in Parapsychology.

Clairvoyance, clairaudience,  are similar to the phenomenon of Telepathy.

Telepathy is communication of a message from one mind to another without any medium. For example, you get a call from a friend the moment you think of him; Though you were out of touch with him since long. This is beyond your learned knowledge and intellect.

Research cannot establish the occurrence of  Telepathy; but science has confirmed that you are made up of frequencies, vibrations, and molecules. Your frequency can be transmitted to another person provided you have shared a physical space at some point in your life.

It is not possible to measure, control or observe an event like Telepathy and hence the limitation in Research.

These could be some of the possible explanations of Telepathy:

• You have Neurons in your brain, called Mirror neurons which act as mirrors;  hence you would have noticed some people can read other people’s mind better. Research has shown that you can even understand the emotions and intentions of the other person automatically. If you have higher levels of oxytocin, the chances are that you would be better at understanding and reading these social cues.

• Research in this area has also demonstrated that you might be more Telepathic than your friend. A brain-imaging study done on a Telepathic person’s brain showed more activation in the right parahippocampal gyrus(Area of the brain).
• The more dopamine you have in your brain, the greater are the chances of unfounded beliefs ( this is not an indicator of any pathology). Studies have indicated a genetic difference in dopamine transmission of Telepathic people.

Although, we do not have any substantial research in this area, It is interesting enough to explore and know more about Telepathy.

If you need Psychologist click here

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) happens because of a neurobiological dysfunction. The symptoms of ASD start showing up when the child is about two to three years of age. The symptoms include, loss of social interaction and communication, repetitive and restricted behaviour, has an unusual tone for voice, failing to respond and many more.

A child who is suffering from ASD starts getting irritated a lot and throws a lot of tantrum. Most of the times, parents misjudge this behaviour as behavioural problems and hence not truly able to understand the child. Hence, as a parent, it is necessary to understand the child and what they are actually feeling. To know this a parent should understand about ASD. Hence, below are the Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Signs & Symptoms:

As mentioned earlier, the child who is suffering from ASD usually shows two main symptoms, one loss of social interactions and second repetitive behaviour.

Loss of Social Interaction:

• Making very less eye contact or no eye contact
• Is not able to listen to people. Thus, not able to concentrate on what others are speaking.
• Rarely is able to show the enjoyment they are experiencing while showing something they like.
• Unable to respond to or slow response when someone is calling them.
• Is not able to comprehend sentences while going back and forth.
• Continuously keeps on talking about the same thing, even when the other person has lost interest.
• Incompatible facial expressions, gestures or movements with what they are saying.
• There is a robotic tone or unusual tone when they are speaking.
• Is not able to understand other person’s view and is unable to predict or understand others actions.

Repetitive Behaviour:

• They tend to repeat certain behaviours or phrases over and over again.
• They have a very lasting interest in certain topics which include facts, numbers or details.
• Also, they focus on certain things too much. That is, overly focused on certain objects or things.
• They love their routines. A slight change in their routine upsets them.
• They are more or less sensitive to certain inputs compared to normal people. This may include, light, touch, temperature etc.

These signs may not be present in everyone suffering from ASD, but most of them do. Also, Autism is detected not only in children but also it can be diagnosed in an adult. Those who are suffering from Autism might also have sleep problems along with irritability.

But, a child suffering from autism among these challenges has strengths also.

Strengths are:

• They are able to learn things in details and also remember that information for a very long time.
• They are very strong visual and auditory learners.
• Also, they show excellence in arts, maths, science or music.

The Scientists are still figuring out why this actually happens to a child. It may be because of genes or very low birth weight. But, it is still uncertain why exactly this happens. Hence, it is better not to ponder over that question, instead, a parent should help and support their child.

An early diagnosis is a preferred way. Hence, an early diagnosis will lead to an early treatment. Thus, if your child or someone you know is suffering from this, or you think they are suffering from ASD then please visit a child psychologist or a psychiatrist for help.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

Stuttering is a  childhood-onset disorder of speech in which the person repeats sounds, words, syllables, takes time to utter a sound and has an interrupted speech known as ‘block’.The person is aware of what he has to say but has trouble producing the normal speech flow.

The speech distortions are often accompanied with problem behaviors like lip tremors or rapid eye blinking. Stuttering makes your communication difficult with others and can affect your quality of life and interpersonal relationships. Stuttering often becomes worse when speaking to a group, talking on the phone and might reduce while reading, singing or speaking alone.

Speech production process

When you speak, there is a series of precisely coordinated muscle movement which involves voice production, breathing, movement of throat, tongue, palate, and lips. The entire process is controlled by the brain.

Although stuttering can affect you at any age due to Trauma, head injury, severe stress; It is most common in children from 2 to 6 years of age when human beings enter the language producing age. Almost, all children stutter at some period which could last from a few weeks to years. Some People continue to stutter even after their childhood and throughout life.

Is stuttering Psychological?

Earlier Stuttering was believed to be only a Psychological phenomenon but recent research shows that it is more often a Developmental disorder than a psychogenic problem. Brain images show a difference in the brain of a stuttering and a non-stuttering one. Developmental stuttering occurs when the child’s language abilities do not meet the child’s verbal demands.

Although,if you stutter you will eventually suffer from a lot of related Psychological problems like:

• Shame
• Anger
• Guilt
• Severe Embarrassment
• Confusion
• Panic and Anxiety
• Frustration
• Social phobia
• Social Isolation etc.

Therapy

Therapy could help young children prevent developmental stuttering and increase their speech fluency while maintaining positive attitudes. It could help adults by understanding, acceptance and overcome the psychological side-effects of stuttering. If you find your child stutter for 3-6 month s, take him to a health professional to be evaluated.

Do these for your child:

• Make sure you have a relaxed home environment in which your child can speak freely. Set aside some time for your child to talk one to one with you and make sure you hear when the child is excited and wants to share a lot.
• Pay attention to the meaning of what your child has to say and focus on the message rather than how he is saying it.
• Do not interrupt your child when he/she is speaking
• Speak in a relaxed and slow tone so that the child is not under the pressure of time
• Do not complete the child’s sentences and be patient in hearing him. Make him understand that a person can communicate effectively even if he stutters.

• Talk openly to your child about stuttering if he wants to and let him know that it is alright to have certain disruptions.

To know more about Dr Prerna Kohli

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can happen to adults as well as children. The amount of trauma experienced by an adult can be experienced by a child too. But, their reaction to trauma differs with age.

Thus, below are few symptoms shown by a Child having PTSD:

Bed Wetting:

Even after learning how to use the toilet, the child starts to wet the bed. This event usually happens because of nightmares about the trauma. Also, the child doesn’t realise about this issue and keeps on wetting the bed.

No Talk:

Mostly, children become unable to or in extreme cases, stop talking. They forget how to talk and express their emotions. Also, in some cases, the child becomes unable to talk. Thus, becoming mute.

Acting Out:

The trauma caused by the event is very scary for them. But, as they are unable to express themselves, they start acting out the trauma. This usually happens during their play or when they are indulged in other activities like drawing, painting etc.

Become Clingy:

They will start to cling to a parent or a guardian who they are close to. The fear of the trauma scares them to an unimaginable extent. Thus, making them cling to a loved one for safety and comfort.

Destructive Behaviour:

Sometimes, the child starts to act in a destructive manner. As they are unable to explain what is going on with them, they will start becoming angry and destructive.

With age, the symptoms are shown by a child also evolves. Thus, children of different age will exhibit different symptoms.

Thus, below are the symptoms shown by child, age-wise, suffering from PTSD:

Under Age 6:

Children under the age of 6 will usually show the symptoms mentioned above. They will cling to a parent or start acting out in their play.

Between Age 7-11:

Children between the age of 7-11 start showing symptoms similar to above. They will have nightmares and will start avoiding school or school work. They might isolate themselves or start acting out in an aggressive manner. Their drawings or paintings might become an expression of the trauma.

Between Age 12-18:

Children between the age of 12-18 will usually show the symptoms which an adult will show. This may include, and not limited to, depression, anxiety, acting out, substance use or even constantly running away from home.

PTSD can happen to anyone, regardless of age. If you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD then please visit a mental health professional immediately.

To know more about Dr Prerna Kohli

It is always very difficult to go back to school after a long break. Most of the times, the breaks are always too short no matter the length of the duration. But, the school has to open one day and you have to go back to school. so how to preparing yourself?

Going back to school needs physical and emotional preparation, as our mind and body get into the comfort zone. Thus, entering school the first day becomes all the more difficult.

Hence, below are few ways to prepare yourself for going back to school:

Unplug:

During the vacations, we start to watch TV or stay on our phones or even play video games late in the night. We are able to do this because at that time we know that the next day we can sleep till late. But, during school days it is not possible. Hence, it is important to unplug yourself from these devices before the school starts and try and get back to your sleeping schedule.

Create a Schedule:

Holidays are mostly chaotic; hence we do not have any schedules. Thus, from our sleep cycle to our eating habits, everything becomes disrupted. Hence, it becomes difficult when you actually get back to school as your schedule is disrupted. So, it is important to create a schedule for yourself and your body to adapt to a school day.

Plan Ahead:

School can start with stressful situations; these can range from arranging yourself and your homework or even meeting a teacher you don’t like. These situations usually occur when we are not prepared, both physically and emotionally. Hence, planning ahead saves us from entering these situations. Planning for the opening of the school will make you feel organized and will give you the confidence of being able to control the situation.

Start Reading Again:

Reading is always a good habit, but during vacations, we only have time to do so many things. But, when the school starts reading about different subjects becomes mandatory. It becomes difficult to start your habit again, and hence you are not able to get hold of what is going on in the class. Thus, it is always advisable that you start reading before the school starts. Hence, you will be able to catch up to the class’s pace.

Get Back to Doing Homework:

Summer holidays are full of fun and also homework. But, we spend most of our time having fun. So, we keep on procrastinating on our homework. Hence, it is important to catch up on our homework also. One of the main reason students are stressed because they haven’t completed their homework. Also, during the break children break away from the habit of doing homework. Hence, it is important that before school starts studying and completing your homework gets in the schedule. Thus, making the adjustment in your school easier.

Going back to school can be fun if you try and focus on the positives of school. It might seem daunting at first, but soon we settle down and get back to routine. The above tips can help you ease up the transition process.

But, if you or your friend are facing serious stresses or mental health issues while going back to school or your personal life due to which the process is seeming difficult; it is advisable for you to talk to your parents about it. Also, if you think you need professional help, do not hesitate.

Read More about Sending Your Children to School Happily.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

Being a parent is a hectic task but, it is something which comes as a responsibility for them. Many of them love being a parent. But, they always wonder how can they be better at what they are doing. Also, along with being a parent comes conflicts of emotions and ideas. With all these, the parents start to wonder what they should do.

Hence, below are 7 ways on how to become a better parent:

1. Don’t Compare:

Firstly, it is very important that you shouldn’t compare your kids. That is, you should not point out who is doing better and who is not. Comparison increases the stress on your children. Also, they start to feel that only achievement can win your love for them. Hence, they either start to detach themselves from you or they start to take an excess of pressure.

2. Do What You Say:

Children learn the most from their parents. Hence, it is important you teach them the same. Many times we teach our children something and then we do the opposite in front of them. This way the child learns to lie as well as they do not actually learn what you have taught. Hence, it is very important to do what you tell them to do. Thus, helping them learn the good things.

3. Let Them Make Mistakes:

Our initial reaction towards anything they are doing wrong is to stop them and tell them. For example, if your child is playing with a car and you know that the car will break down, you would immediately go and stop him/her from doing so and explain to him/her. Instead of this, if you allow them to make mistakes they will learn about how to correct the mistakes much faster. But, make sure the mistakes they are making are not harming them. That is, playing with electrical wires or fiddling with any machine which can harm them.

4. Let them be Bored:

Often when we see our child is getting bored, we indulge them in some activity or the other. You might think that this will enhance their skills, but in reality, they do not find the time to be alone with their thoughts. Thus, it is important to let them be bored. If they are bored, they will start indulging in their fantasies and stories. Hence, improving their ability to think and wonder as well as understanding themselves. Sometimes they might need temptations to indulge. So you can keep toys or colouring books or cardboard boxes lying around them. Hence, able to indulge their energy positively.

5. Don’t Comfort or Calm Them with Food:

It is a tendency in parents to reward the child with a food they like. But, it shouldn’t be done. There is a simple reason behind it. If the child is praised every time he/she does something good with food, then your love and attention will be replaced by food. A child only asks for your attention and love. Hence, if you replace that with food then the child would only move towards materialistic gains. You can reward them with food only when it is absolutely necessary, and they will also enjoy that. But, food should not replace hugs and kisses from you, and the love and attention they seek.

6. Teach Them How to Manage their Emotions:

Most of the times we see our children behaving in very aggressive manner. We deem that behaviour as misconduct and punish them all the time. But, most of the time it happens because they are unable to manage their emotions. Hence, it is important to teach them how to manage their emotions. The best way to do so is to have conversations with them and make them realise what they have done how it affects others, in a calm manner.

7. Embrace Change:

One thing which will happen with you and your children is change. They will start disliking the activity they used to love, or they will try and find new and different activities. This is just a normal behaviour. As they grow older, they will change in height, weight as well as in emotions. But, along with it you also need to see that they don’t lose interest in all the activities and start becoming depressed.

All of the above tips can help you learn parenting better. But, it is also important to opt for pre-birth counselling. Especially, if it is your first child. Also, if you think that your child is becoming depressed or appear stressed all the time, you should visit a child counsellor immediately.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

Blessed are those children who have an active and participative father. After the mother, the father’s role is the most important in the upbringing of the child.

Fathers play a very important role in in the lives of their children. They are there when we need someone the most, as well they are there to bring us to track if we are moving away from it. But, every father also needs to understand these feelings and structures.

Whether you have just become a father, or you have been a father for a long time. There is always a scope for improvement or learning.

Hence, below are 7 tips on how to become a better father:

Spend Quality Time:

There is always a thin line of difference between spending time and spending quality time. In an age of smartphones, we need to take out time to spend quality one on one time with our children. Thus, you can do this by reading a story to your child or playing a sport or game with your child.

Discipline them Without Being Harsh:

To be disciplined in life is very important and a child learns this from their parents. Hence, it is important to teach your child about right or wrong. But, do not punish them. Instead, you should teach them about consequences and handle the situations with love and care. Thus, you can reward their positive behaviours by teaching them what’s right and instead of punishing the negative behaviours you need to make them understand what they did wrong without scolding.

Listen to them:

Listening to your child is as important as talking to them. If you start listening to their ideas and problems from a very young age, in future it will be easier for them to talk to you about difficult topics. Also, listening should be done with empathy and understanding, instead of judging them about their ideas.

Be the Role Model:

Consciously or Unconsciously a father does become a role model for their children. If you have a girl child and you become their role model, then they would understand the respect they deserve and what to look for in a guy. Similarly, if you have a boy child, the boy will learn how to treat women with respect. Hence, it is important to show humility, honesty, love and caring for your children and becoming their role model.

Read to them:

As mentioned earlier it is important to read to them. Firstly, it ensures quality time spent with them. Secondly, reading them from a very young age teaches them the importance of literacy. When they start growing up, you also need to encourage them to read. Reading helps in a lot of things, including a personal and professional growth of the child.

Respect your Partner:

It is important to show love and respect to your partner. From there, the child learns to understand to respect each other in loving relationship. Also, if you show love and respect to your partner, the child will feel safe in the environment. Thus, they will understand that the relationship with their father is something of love and respect.

Being with them:

Most importantly, you need to be with them. No matter what age they are. You need to be with them. The bonding between the father and child should begin during pregnancy. Through touch, love, care. Thus, giving our signals to the child that you want them and love them.

All the above tips can and will help you become a better father.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli