Along with Intelligence Quotient (IQ), it’s very important to develop your child’s Emotional Quotient (EQ) too.  It’s proven that children who have a better EQ, turn out to be much nicer, smarter, and more intelligent person in general. This is because a person with higher EQ is able to handle stressful situations more easily than a person who doesn’t have a high EQ.

Thus, below are few Tips to Increase your child’s Emotional Quotient (EQ):

Identifying their Feelings:

Most importantly, you should teach your child to identify their feelings from a very young. If they are throwing tantrums, it’s important that you teach them to identify their feelings. This way they will understand why they are feeling like this. Also, it should be done when they are feeling happy. Thus, helping them verbalize their feelings.

Showing Empathy:

Once they are able to verbalize, it is important for them to know how to empathise with others. Empathizing doesn’t mean agreeing with other, it means to put yourself in other’s shoe. Thus, when they are verbalizing their emotions it is important to teach about empathy. Also, if you disagree with their request, it is important to give them a reason while acknowledging their feelings.

Problem Solving:

It’s important to teach them about how to solve their problems. If they come crying about a fight, you should praise them for not reacting to the situation. Also, you should teach them how they can solve this problem without losing their cool. You can provide them with a solution and teach them how to positively find a solution for the fight.

Managing Your Own Feelings:

To teach them how to manage their feelings, you must set an example by managing your own feelings. If they did something which might anger you quickly, then it is advisable to first check your own feelings, so that your child can learn from it. Once your anger is at a check, then you can talk about how you feel and why you feel this. This way, they will learn and understand how to react in a similar situation.

Being Sensitive to Others:

Teaching about empathy is not a very easy task. Hence, it is important that they start showing empathy for others. You should teach them to be sensitive towards their friends and family. Soon your child will start showing care for others and start asking their friends if they are feeling sad or not. Thus, being a good human being overall.

These tips will help your child to grow their EQ and reach a level of understanding and management of stress. Thus, helping them to understand about others, and keep a distance from mental illnesses.

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Someone who is suffering from depression goes through a very difficult time. But, it gets more difficult when the person doesn’t know what is happening to them and why is it happening to them. Similarly, a child suffering from depression doesn’t understand their own feelings. Hence, it becomes the parent’s responsibility to help the child deal with depression.

Thus, below are few things a parent can do in helping their child deal with depression:

A Nurturing Environment:

It’s very important to create a strong bond with your child. A healthy and strong parent-child relationship creates a space for them to open up. Along with it, it’s important for you to encourage your child to set a routine, with good sleeping and eating habits. Also, encouraging them to enter a physical activity helps them to express better. The child should be encouraged for his/her good behaviour and should be given a space where they can start making friends, in and outside the school and community. But, spending quality time with your child should be the first priority. Most importantly, to create a nurturing environment, it’s important to listen to them empathetically without any prior judgements.

Give them a feeling of Safety:

Mostly a child faces depression due to feelings of insecurity. Hence, it is important for a parent to make the child feel secure. Don’t hesitate to talk to your child; ask what is actually bothering them. If they are facing issues like bullying or stress, if yes, then try to solve the issue. Also, the child could start acting like this as a reaction to a loss or a grief. Thus, it is important to have a heartfelt conversation and connection with your child. Also, try and keep them away from any kind of discord, and if you feel that they are thinking about suicide it’s good to ask them about it. Asking about it will not instigate the thought instead they will feel heard.

Educate Yourself:

It’s very important to educate yourself about the illness. Once you understand the illness and know about the symptoms and how it can be cured you can actively help your child find proper treatment. Also, once you understand the illness, you can help your child to understand their illness and help them stay strong through the situation. Learning about the symptoms of suicide, and talking about it will help you and your child to process the emotions. Thus, making them feel better.

If you think your child is showing the signs of depression, it’s very important to take them to a psychologist immediately.

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In today’s time, with technology and social media, the level of human interaction is decreasing. Even in a parent-child relationship, the communication between the parent and the child has fizzled out. According to a survey, children as young as a 6-year-old child can also show symptoms of depression. But, parents mostly dismiss them by putting it as a normal emotional behaviour in the child. Thus, by this statement the child’s depression often gets un-noticed. How to Identifying Depression?

Thus, below are few identifying symptoms of depression in children:

Low Mood and Unhappiness:

The child will most of the time present a very low mood. They will constantly feel down and unhappy.

Crying:

Showing your emotions is not a bad thing. But, when the child is always crying or tearful then it becomes an indicating symptom.

Irritable:

The child starts getting irritated at small things. Sometimes, they show irritable behaviour even when someone is trying to console them.

Low Energy:

Most of the times, the child will not be willing to indulge in any activity. Thus, showing lack, low energy.

Socially Isolated:

The child will start isolating himself/herself from others. They start preferring to stay alone and not indulge themselves in any activity. Thus, they will start to lose interest in activities they used to enjoy or like.

Lack of Sleep and Appetite:

Due to overthinking and worry they can’t sleep. Also, their appetite goes down or up too much.

Difficulty in Focusing and Concentrating:

A lot of times, they are unable to focus or concentrate on a single thing. Thus, hampering their decision-making capabilities. Their focus keeps on wandering and they start to reminiscence about their past and start thinking what went wrong.

Psychosomatic Pain:

As children are unable to express their feelings, their body starts showing symptoms of their feelings. Usually, the child will constantly have head or stomach aches without any medical reason.

Feelings of Guilt and Worthlessness:

The child will start blaming themselves for everything. Thus, it will make them feel that they are worthless and have an immense feeling of guilt. Hence, hampering their self-esteem.

Thoughts of Self-Harm:

Lastly, some of the children also show thoughts of self-harm and suicide. They will constantly feel worthless and think about ending their life.

If your child, or any child you know show these symptoms of depression, then it is advisable to visit a psychologist immediately.

To learn more about Dr Prerna Kohli.

As human beings, we all have feelings of aggression in us. But, as adults, we know how to control our behaviour and manage the aggression. However, a child doesn’t understand how to channelize their aggressive behaviour. Hence, they start to indulge in activities like hitting, biting, kicking etc. As a parent of the child, it becomes a duty, to make the child understand how to express these behaviours in a positive manner.

Thus, below are few tips for parents who have an aggressive child:

Set Limits:

One of the most important factors is setting rules and limits. It’s always a good option to set the limits for a child and let all who take care of the child know about these limits. If the child indulges in kicking or biting, they should understand that this behaviour is wrong along with why this behaviour is wrong.

Different Channels to Express:

A child doesn’t know how to deal with anger. Hence, it is our duty to make them understand about different ways of expression. Anger can be expressed through words; this message needs to be conveyed. Also, the positive behaviour of the child should be praised. They should be exposed to environments where they see a fight being resolved peacefully.

Teach about Self Control:

A child doesn’t know or even understand about self-control. The parent should teach the child about self-control. Through a parent, the child can easily modulate their feelings and understand about self-control. Hence, through self-control, they will understand to think before they act.

Don’t encourage Toughness:

Many families, especially for the boy child, encourage the “tough” behaviour. Hence, the child starts to act violently and indulge in kicking and biting to win their parent’s approval.

Don’t Hit the Child:

Most importantly, don’t hit the child. Many parents start hitting their child because they feel that it will correct their behaviour. Instead, the child learns from this behaviour and understands that it’s ok to act violently towards others if they don’t like their behaviour. Hence, avoid corporal punishment under any circumstances.

Control Yourself:

Usually, children learn from parents. If you can’t control your own aggressive behaviour then they will also be not able to. Hence, it is important for you to express your anger in reasonable ways.

Aggression in children is an expression of self, and the parents should understand what they are trying to say through their anger. But sometimes, their anger seems uncontrollable. In those cases, it is advisable to visit  child psychologist to understand the child’s behaviour.

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Holi, the festival of colors, is just around the corner. It channelizes our emotions and expresses our feelings through colors. The place becomes an expression of rainbows, and we enjoy spraying colors and water on each other. Playing Holi itself becomes an enjoyable event.

Thus, below are few of the psychological benefits of playing Holi:

Colours Bring Emotions:

Playing with different bright colors brings our emotions outside. It brings a certain kind of liveliness in our lives. Also, it influences our behavior and the feeling of joy represented by colors, outside is reflected inside.

Colours and relation to Brain:

When we see bright colors, it becomes a catalyst. The brain is fed with happy emotions. Bright colors represent our inner brightness and happiness, thus making us happier.

Food as Happiness:

During the Holi season, we make and serve a lot of sweets. Sweets add to our emotions and feelings, making a person feel happy. There is always a relationship between good carbs and mood, hence consumption of sweets releases happy chemicals in our brain. Good food makes a person be more relaxed and keep them in a good mood.

Social Gatherings:

During this season, we are meeting with our friends and families. Meeting and playing with our friends creates an environment of opening up. The social gatherings bring out joy and playfulness in us. Thus, making this season more enjoyable.

A lot of Exercises:

We all know doing exercise keeps the body healthy and the mind at peace. During this festive season, there is a lot of running, jumping, falling etc, which counts as a lot of exercises. All this exercise keeps you fresh and active, which in general keeps the body and mind healthy. Also, when your body is tired, a good sleep after all the activity makes you ready for next morning.

Holi is a season of joy and harmony. Dr. Prerna Kohli wishes everyone a Happy and prosperous Holi. In this season, play, have fun and be careful. Stay happy and enjoy!

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Clicking selfies is a new form of art in today’s generation. Every selfie should get a like on all the social media platforms. It gives an outlook to where the person is, and what the person is doing. It also presents the person how he or she is looking.

But, in recent studies, it is shown that clicking selfies has become an addiction. Not so long ago, there was news, where the person who was clicking selfies fell down a gorge and died. Recently it has become an obsessive addiction.

A person clicking numerous selfies in a day might be suffering from selfie addiction.

Hence, below are few signs of selfie addiction:

Low Self-Esteem:

One of the major indications of selfie addiction is a child’s low self-esteem. Through selfie’s the person is trying to gain admiration from outside. The clicking and uploading of the photo and then waiting for the approval gives an indication to them. They crave for people’s likeability.

An obsession of Appearance:

Accepting how one looks is admirable. But, people who are constantly obsessed with how they look becomes damaging. Most of the people who have this addiction often spend most of the time how they look. They spend extra hours and effort towards their appearance. Hence, when they click or post the selfie, they start to feel admired of their appearance.

Sudden Mood Changes:

A person who is a selfie addict will start showing sudden mood changes when they are not allowed to click selfies. These mood changes can range from extreme rage to extreme sadness. In some cases, the person starts feeling depressed. Also, they start showing personality changes, if they are being bullied online.

Large Photo-Library:

One of the most obvious signs of selfie addiction is a large selfie portfolio. The person’s gallery is filled with selfie’s. Their gallery will be filled with thousands of selfies. Thus, it becomes one of the biggest signs of selfie addiction.

If you think your child or someone you know is suffering from selfie addiction, then the best way is to talk to them. Talking to them actually helps to the problem. If you still see that the person is not improving then please visit a professional for advice.

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Giving birth to a child is a wonderful experience. It feels like there has been an extension of you. But, many times it leads to a depressive phase. Many doctors and psychologists overlook it as ‘baby blues’. People expect the mothers to be happy about the experience. Thus, it puts an external pressure on the mother to hide her “bad” emotions.

Hiding ones’ emotions is a very difficult task to do. In between these emotions, the mother is then forced to hide her sadness. Finally, the hidden sadness leads to depression.

Post-partum depression usually occurs during the first year of childbirth. There are many reasons which can cause depression. Which include the history of the person, complications in childbirth or stress during or after pregnancy.

Below are few symptoms of Post-Partum Depression:

Unable to Take Care:

After a childbirth, it is very important for a mother to take care of herself. Along with her, it is also important for her to take care of the baby. But, a person suffering from post-partum depression is unable to take care of the baby or herself.

Fears:

When a mother suffers from this kind of depression, an unwanted extreme fear emerges. She is constantly anxious about taking care of the baby. The fear revolves around she is not a good mother. Thus, the fear then starts causing her extreme levels of anxiety.

Mood Swings:

A woman will suffer from certain levels of mood swings after she has given birth. But, in this case, the mood swings are extreme. They turn from extreme rage to extreme sadness. Sometimes the rage is even directed towards the child.

Lack of Interest:

Usually, a new mother will have different kinds of interest. But, in this, the mother loses her interest in all her daily activities. She even loses her interest in the things she liked to do. Because of her sadness, she is unable to actually enjoy the activities she liked.

Guilt:

Guilt and sadness go hand in hand. The mother starts feeling guilty about everything. Thoughts like, “I am a bad mother”, “Why do I have to bear the child?” etc. takes over. Which then result in extreme guilt, where the mother is drenched in them. Hence, it starts a vicious cycle of guilt and sadness.

Suicidal Thoughts:

The mother starts having suicidal thoughts. She starts believing that the baby would be better off without her. Because she is a bad mother, the baby doesn’t deserve her. Hence, thoughts of suicide start occurring.

Depression and anxiety can happen to anyone. Hence, if you or someone you know is suffering from depression then please visit a professional immediately.

To Learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli

Calming Children During Tragedies 

In the last week, there have been several major tragedies in schools, including the murder of an innocent child in an upscale school in Gurgaon. As responsible parents, one needs to protect the wellbeing of their children, as well as provide them solace and comfort.

Your children may have a lot of questions about whether they are in equal danger. Parents could be under equal worry and uncertainty about their kids’ safety. It’s normal to feel anxious after such disturbing incidents and hence we decided to reach out with strategies to minimize the feelings of worry and stress and restore normalcy. Please read the tips below for Assuring Children in Times of Tragedy:

Control the concern: It is normal and healthy to be concerned.

There may be reluctance among children who have learned about what happened. Parents may find it equally disturbing to drop their kids at the school. When the worry gets out of hand, it is important to remind ourselves of the probability of something like that happening to us. Keeping emotions in control and speaking in strict statistics, it is a very condemnable event yet a rare event.

Limit the News: You may be interested in being up to date with the happenings and proceedings of the incidents but the young hearts might not be able to handle the constant exposure and it could create unnecessary excess fear and anxiety in them.

Ask them – Answer them: Let yourself be their source of information. Make sure to know what they are learning about the incident from their friends and other sources. Do not avoid their questions and allow the possibility of them getting information from harmful sources.

At the same time, it is important to control the unnecessary details of the event that they need not know. For example, you can narrate the incident like this: “Someone hurt a kid in the school, but, we know that your school is safe and you’re safe in our home.”

Get back to the routine: You might feel keeping your kids with you for a while instead of sending them to school but it is important to get back to routine as early as it is safe to do so. That keeps their mind off of thinking too much and gets them involved in school activities. It creates the confidence of moving ahead no matter what terrible things happen!

The sense of security: Spend extra time with kids for a few weeks to talk with them, go out with them, participate in events or trips, read stories to them and making them feel safe and secure.

Role model: Kids look to you for courage and guidance in such tough times. You are their inspiration. Make sure to live up to that expectation. If you have fears of your own, visit a counsellor or discuss with friends and acquaintances.

Watch-out: Look for signs of excessive fear or anxiety. Difficulty concentrating on school work, or changes in sleep and appetite could be some signs. Make sure to get behavioural feedback from the class teacher and consult a psychologist if a need is felt.

Focus on the Positives in Life

There is more good than bad in the world. Hence, focus on richer family and community experiences and show the treasure of goodness all around the place to the kids. Lastly, guide and train them to focus on the positives.

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About Dr. Prerna Kohli

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About Dr. Prerna Kohli

Most of all, Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you. Yet it’s not the same as a professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”

Most noteworthy, she is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.

Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. Therefore, she offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness, and Inner Peace. As a result, she is dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others. Consequently, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with a solid understanding. Most of all, she creates a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.

In conclusion, Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India. With over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.

The Role of Grandparents

The number of nuclear families is at an all-time high with the sprawling urban culture in India. These family units generally consist of both working parents busy with their careers and more often than not, the task of raising kids is almost out-sourced to maids or day-care centers. In this scenario, the role of having grandparents is often ignored because parents perceive it as interference in raising kids and prefer to not have someone bossing them around on how to raise their own kids. While the intention is not to humiliate the elders but all they seek is parenting without excess criticism.

Grand Parents vs. Parents

The areas of conflict are generally around disciplining, T.V. watching, playtime, dressing styles, eating habits, excess love, protectionism, gifting toys, study-time, the right amount of strictness etc. All these disputes make one feel how much of lesser burden in handling the kids it would be if there were no conflicting ideas floating around. However, it is important to note that the advantages of having grandparents around outweigh the disadvantages. Maids or day-care centers cannot match the love showered by grandparents. To get the best of this advantage, one should learn to communicate and understand the limits and responsibilities. Below we are listing a few ideas for parents and grandparents to foster this possibility.

For parents:

• Avoid conflicts with grandparents in the presence of children and keep it for later discussion.
• Make clear set of rules around discipline and other areas and communicate them in advance
• Immediately spot out the instances of interference and discuss them immediately without keeping it for another day.
• Avoid criticism and praise the grandparents when they do a good job
• Trust their experience and make use of their wisdom and make them feel valued
• Foster healthy family relationships and communication through regular family meetings (dinner together etc.)
• Make sure to take their advice in the matters of child’s behavior, health, schooling and career choices.

For grandparents:

• Avoid taking sides with children especially in the matters of discipline, education etc.
• Respect the role of parents in raising their own children and take-up an advisory role
• Never criticize parents in front of their children. Keep all conflicting communication for a later time during private conversations.
• Avoid excess criticism and appreciate the parents and encourage them for doing a good job managing careers along with kids.
• Be aware of your own physical limitations and recreational/emotional needs and make sure to communicate them to avoid feelings of ‘being used and not being understood’
• Make your absence felt. Take short vacations, involve yourself in retreats and share the experiences and wisdom back home.
• When parent-child conflict arises, pay an ear to both sides and resolve it with a mutually agreeable solution

In conclusion, communication and mutual respect will make all of it an enjoyable journey in shaping the future of the kid you both care most about.

Who is a Good Mother?

Globalization has forever changed the notion and role of a ‘good mother’. Prior to the increased participation of women in the workforce, a good mother was portrayed as one who stayed at home and kept herself occupied with home responsibilities while the husband engaged in paid work. Modern ‘good mother is, however, one who participates in the workforce and to raise her income and skill levels for the benefit of her children and at the same time nurtures a warm family. This change in the ways of society, however, comes with a big question: “Who is to take care of the children at home while the mother is busy and away?”

One of the more convenient and cheaper options for urban young couples, who are far from home-cities and the care of their own parents, to meet this responsibility is to hire live-in maids who can stay home, manage the chores and take care of the kids. These maids are young girls, sometimes teenagers, typically hired from lower income backgrounds from the cities or villages. That obviously comes with the predicament that they often lack both the maturity of a mother and the necessary education on parenting skills or the right ways to raise kids. This often results in streaks of bad behavior from children and sometimes could also culminate into deep impacts on their psyche (like loss of self-esteem and feelings of insecurity) depending on how they’re treated in the absence of mothers.

Employing a Nanny for your child?

When we employ a maid for child-care, we are not only placing the physical needs, like bathing, feeding etc. But, most importantly we are entrusting her with the responsibility of child’s upbringing. Thus, it becomes essential to hire someone trust-worthy. More importantly, skilled in the subject of child-rearing, with whom you can comfortably communicate your parenting beliefs and ideals. Busy parents also stand the chance of becoming good parents by increasing the quality of time you spend with kids rather than fretting over the lack of quantity of time.

You can’t delegate your parental duties

It helps to keep a watch on her activities in your absence through some trusted source. You can arrange to keep a check or by installing a camera. Make sure to communicate with her the changes. Do not hesitate or give a second thought to replacing the maid if the criteria are not met. The well-being of the child is of more importance than the hassle involved in replacing the maid. Alternatively, you can choose a well-reputed day-care in your locality. So, your kids intellectual and emotional needs are met. It also gives the opportunity for your kid to interact with other kids. Thus, fostering his/her development in the right direction.

[Disclaimer: This article acknowledges the good work of many maids who have done a great job in raising the kids they are entrusted with.]

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All images courtesy Pixabay