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At the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel burdened with inconclusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions. And this is absolutely acceptable. While your friends and family feel thankful for your break-up, they may not be able to understand the emotional turmoil going inside your heart and brain. But you should not carry on with toxic relationship

Let’s look at the end of an abusive relationship from the following aspects:

Mental and Emotional Health

Post being dumped by the person whom you considered to be your one and only soul mate, you might go through a roller coaster of emotions. The symptoms are often similar to that of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There might not be any visible scars to make it obvious that you are hurt, but the pain is similar to that of a physical injury.
You might even show obsessive behaviour, where you constantly think about your ex, your break up.
The more the covert these symptoms are, the more damage it can do to your emotional stability and the ability to overcome the trauma.

Attachment or Addiction?

When two people part their ways in a healthy way, they may feel hurt, but it does not take a psychological toll on the two persons involved. They eventually move on as a practical approach was followed to end the relationship. But in an emotionally abusive relationship, the break up isn’t as clean, rather the abuser is manipulative.
The victim might not recognize signs and develop an emotional attachment towards them.
You might re-run the events from your relationship in your mind several times throughout the day or read the old conversations.
Being with a person becomes addictive over a period of time, like an unhealthy attachment. It might seem normal and justified to the victim, but this really hampers their emotional well-being.

Moving on!

The first step to moving on is to accept your situation. A few things that you could do to overcome such a relationship are:

Take care of your emotions

Repairing your emotions requires great efforts. When you get abandoned by someone you are so addicted to, it affects your self-esteem negatively. You can feel used and discarded, angry and isolated. Instead of suppressing and being a home to them, it is very important that you accept and acknowledge your emotions. Recognize how you feel. You can make a journal about the same. If you feel like crying or screaming, do that.

Pen it down

At times it might be difficult for you to talk about your broken relationship and what all you went through in that. But it is important to express in order to heal. To start with, you can keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions, gradually opening up about it verbally.

Confide in Close ones

You can always count on your close friends and families when you feel the need to. Surround yourself with people. Avoid isolating yourself with your thoughts all the time.

Cut-off contact with the abuser

You need to cut off the contact with your ex. Being vulnerable might drag you to his doors, but this would be unhealthy. It is important to maintain a distance when you part ways with your abuser. You may feel a pull towards him, but remember it is unhealthy for your mental health if you remain connected to him.

Do not stalk

It may seem like a nice idea to keep a tab on your ex by stalking him on social media or keeping in touch with his friends. But this is not ideal. You must focus investing your time and energy on yourself rather than knowing about his whereabouts.

Postpone important decisions

In the times, when you are emotionally unstable it is better to not make any important life decisions, which may affect your future. Let yourself feel and heal for some time first.

Practice patience

For a physical injury to heal there is always a defined set of medicines and treatment method that one follows and gets okay. But for an emotional setback, you need to give yourself time. Every person takes their own time to get out of an emotional difficulty. Focus on your progress.

Seek Help

If your emotions are way out of control and are hindering with your daily life, you should seek for some professional help. In the times, when we are vulnerable, we might not be in the right state of mind to be emotionally efficient. A bit of advice about situation and lifestyle changes by a professional can prove to be of great help.

Are you in a healthy relationship? Have you been a victim of emotional abuse?

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Depersonalization is a very uncommon disorder which happens to a very few people. Hence, many psychologists don’t understand or even know about this disorder. It becomes a very difficult experience for the person because the connection with reality becomes distorted. The person feels detached from the surroundings and the self, and it becomes a harrowing experience.

What Is Depersonalization Disorder?

Depersonalization disorder is a dissociative disorder. Firstly, dissociative, the word itself means detachment. Hence, it is a disorder which suffices on detachment. Even though this disorder lies on the lower end of the spectrum of dissociative disorders, it is still a very serious condition. Depersonalization consists of two parts; first dissociative identity disorder, and second dissociative amnesia.

Dissociative identity disorder, also famously known as, multiple personality disorder. In this, a person starts to show different types of personalities. One of the best examples is seen in the movies, “Bhool-Bhulaiya”, “Aparichit”. Also, the person isn’t aware of the other personalities present within them. Which makes it difficult to treat.

Dissociative amnesia is a condition where there is a mental gap. By mental gap, it means that for certain periods the person forgets their identity. Also, the person can even forget what happened within a period in the day or else start experiencing blackouts.

Thus, below are some symptoms of this disorder:

• Feeling of being Un-real: There is a persistent feeling in the person that nothing is real. Even their self-identity and the world around them is not real. Also, the places and friends, who used to be familiar starts to feel like “fake”.
• No Connection with Others: The person starts feeling detached from the loved ones. There is a constant feeling that the person you loved, or who loves you are unfamiliar. The person does remember them but doesn’t feel any connection with them. The person feels detached.
• Increased levels of Anxiety: If earlier the person used to feel anxious at a very low level, the intensity of the anxiety increases ten folds. Even the smallest of the situations starts feeling overwhelming. The person is gripped by constant fear.
• Suicidal Thoughts: There becomes an increase in the suicidal thoughts. The person starts wondering whether even the life is real or not. There is a constant disconnect between reality. Thus, death seems a close connection. Hence, there is an increase in suicidal thoughts.
• Can’t Focus: Due to overwhelming thoughts and worries, the person couldn’t focus. The work which seemed a lot easy, because very difficult. The person couldn’t even focus on a sentence and there is no recollection power.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Depersonalization disorder is a very serious condition. The best step to address the issue is to visit a professional immediately. Many forms of psychotherapy, like psychodynamic, cognitive behavioural has proven to cure this illness.

Hence, when addressed in time, it can be cured. So, please visit a professional if you think you are showing these problems.

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Grieving over a loss becomes the expression of the self. It presents the way a person pays respect to the lost “object”. Grieving over the loss object becomes very important and essential. But, the way someone grieves varies. It depends on the relationship with the person or object, on the physical health of the person and even the mental health.

How Does Grief Affect?

The reaction towards grief is different for every individual. Anxiety and helplessness often accompany in periods of grief. Sometimes, there are bursts of emotions and anger. Anger might come from the fact of the loss itself. Being left alone, becomes a lonely and frustrating affair. Then sadness follows, but it comes at a later period.

Knowing that these feelings are normal is very important. It helps in the grieving process in itself. Thus, it gives a hope that everything will turn out well. Also, it is also very important that you know these feelings will pass away.

Although, it’s a long process it varies from person to person. For some, it takes few weeks for others it might take a year or more. Thus, some people also need therapy or counseling to cope up with grief. But, eventually, it will go away. So, the hope to recover, helps you to cope with it.

How to cope with grief?

Firstly, it is important to know that there are no quick fixes. It will take its time depending on the relationship between the person or the object. But, after the period passes away it is less likely to be at the forefront of your mind.

Below are some ways which can help you in times of loss:

1. Express: Talking about the loss helps in coping up with it. It soothes the pain and helps in the healing process. A good friend, a therapist, a family member or a counselor can help you begin the process.
2. Feeling Sad: It is a normal process to feel sad. You should allow yourself to feel sad. It helps you express the turmoil you are feeling. It is also a healthy part of grieving.
3. Routine: Keeping up with the routine is very important. It helps you process and keeps you functional. Simple things like, walking the dog or eating your favorite meal help in the process of being functional.

   

4. Sleep: An emotional problem always effects your sleep. Sleeping recharges your emotional strength. If you have trouble sleeping then please see a professional.
5. Eat Healthily: A healthy well-maintained diet helps you cope up. A good physical health helps in keeping a healthy emotional health.
6. Avoid the thing which “Numb”: It is important that you avoid things which “numb” the pain. Alcohol and other substances will help you numb the pain momentarily. Once the effect wears off, the pain will be increased. Also, it can start a vicious cycle of addiction, which will lead to other problems.

When to get help?

Going to counseling straight away might not be a good option. But, if the sadness persists over a couple of months it is advised to get help. You will know when you want counseling or professional help. If the following persists you for over two months then it is best to get help.

1. You are not able to cope up with the emotions and unable to function daily routines.
2. The extreme emotions are not going away.
3. Loss of sleep.

   

4. You start showing symptoms of depression or anxiety.
5. Your other relationships are being affected.
6. Facing sexual problems.
7. Taking care of someone who is not able to cope up well.
8. Having a lot of accidents, or becoming accident-prone.

In conclusion, grief feels like a very difficult and lonely process. But, the ray of hope leads to a better environment. It is necessary that you do not isolate yourself. It is very important to be around friends or loved ones in such periods. You can always consult a professional, or a counselor to help you cope with grief.

If you need Psychologist  click here

Learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli