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When someone you know dies of committing a suicide, it can be one of the scariest and upsetting experiences of your life. It is perhaps one of the worst ways of losing someone you love as it often leaves one with feelings of helplessness and guilt. Why someone commits suicide is hard enough for adults to understand and accept, and so explaining or talking about it to children becomes even more of a challenge.

The reasons why most adults tend to hesitate or avoid having conversations about death (especially suicide) with children are twofold. One, these conversations make us feel uncomfortable. Two, we feel protective abou them. Therefore, we are afraid of the kind of impact they might have on the child. However, sooner or later, depending on how prepared you feel you as well as the child are to have the conversation, you will have to have this conversation with your child.

Some guidelines to help you go about doing it are as follows:

• Use simple language and avoid euphemisms such as “he/she went to a better place”. Be factual.
• Be honest. Explain suicide the way you would any other kind of death. Just like any other form of death is caused by a physical problem, explain how suicide is a result of issues related to mental health, without any blaming or judgment.
• Alter your content based on the child’s age.
• Encourage questions and be prepared to answer a lot of them.
• Be prepared to handle a range of reactions (such as disinterest, numbness, aggression, distress or withdrawal).

  

• Give them time to process this new information and support them in this process.
• Reassure them about their security.

It is important to understand that talking about suicide does not increase the risk of it.

Instead, it makes one aware how important mental health is in one’s life. It also helps one recognize suicide as an outcome of an illness rather than an act of selfishness or irresponsibility. It encourages one to be vigilant and seek as well as offer help in time.

Among youth aged between 10-24 years, suicide is the second most leading cause of death. With mounting pressure of exams and competition with peers, suicides are on a rise. Therefore, it becomes all the more important to talk about it with your child, so that they know that they can discuss it with you anytime they want. Understanding of the mental health issues that lead one to commit suicide, will help children recognize what places them at risk and talk about it.

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Although incorrectly, empathy and sympathy are two distinct words that people often end up confusing and using interchangeably. Both the words share a similar root i.e. they are derived from the Greek word “pathos”, which means “feeling” or “suffering”. Therefore, both the words deal with emotions that one has in reference to another person. However, they are in no way synonymous because of the prefixes attached to them, which differentiates the meaning of the two words from each other.

While the prefix sym in the word sympathy, comes from the Greek word sýn, which means “together”, the prefix em in the word empathy, comes from the Greek word eń, which means “within”. Thus, while sympathy means sharing the same opinions, interests, or feelings as the other, empathy goes beyond sympathy. It denotes not only the sharing of emotions but also an understanding of them as if they are one’s own. So, while sympathy signifies feelings of pity and compassion towards someone’s sorrow and suffering, empathy refers to one’s ability to experience a situation by putting oneself in someone else’s shoes. This way, empathy involves the component of projection, which requires one to be able to imagine how the other person might be feeling in a situation.

Empathy is considered a higher order feeling because of its complex nature. Thus, you might find it easier to sympathize with someone than empathize with them. It is because of this reason that not everyone is said to be empathetic by nature. The two words might be used in similar contexts such as a death in one’s family. However, the following examples will clarify how the two words convey different feelings even in a similar context.

“I am sorry for your loss.”

This statement communicates sympathy. Sometimes, sympathy ends up conveying that the person facing the situation, is the only one suffering from the problem while the rest seem to be coping just fine. This might make the person in front of you feel patronized. Thus, instead of offering support, it might end up making them feel alone in their struggle.

“I can understand how hard this must be for you. Having lost a loved one myself, I know how this can feel.”

This statement communicates empathy. It conveys that feeling what the person is feeling right now is normal and common. Hence, it is more reassuring than the above statement.

A person is more likely to feel connected to the person who empathizes with them, rather than the one who sympathizes with them.

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Someone who is suffering from depression goes through a very difficult time. But, it gets more difficult when the person doesn’t know what is happening to them and why is it happening to them. Similarly, a child suffering from depression doesn’t understand their own feelings. Hence, it becomes the parent’s responsibility to help the child deal with depression.

Thus, below are few things a parent can do in helping their child deal with depression:

A Nurturing Environment:

It’s very important to create a strong bond with your child. A healthy and strong parent-child relationship creates a space for them to open up. Along with it, it’s important for you to encourage your child to set a routine, with good sleeping and eating habits. Also, encouraging them to enter a physical activity helps them to express better. The child should be encouraged for his/her good behaviour and should be given a space where they can start making friends, in and outside the school and community. But, spending quality time with your child should be the first priority. Most importantly, to create a nurturing environment, it’s important to listen to them empathetically without any prior judgements.

Give them a feeling of Safety:

Mostly a child faces depression due to feelings of insecurity. Hence, it is important for a parent to make the child feel secure. Don’t hesitate to talk to your child; ask what is actually bothering them. If they are facing issues like bullying or stress, if yes, then try to solve the issue. Also, the child could start acting like this as a reaction to a loss or a grief. Thus, it is important to have a heartfelt conversation and connection with your child. Also, try and keep them away from any kind of discord, and if you feel that they are thinking about suicide it’s good to ask them about it. Asking about it will not instigate the thought instead they will feel heard.

Educate Yourself:

It’s very important to educate yourself about the illness. Once you understand the illness and know about the symptoms and how it can be cured you can actively help your child find proper treatment. Also, once you understand the illness, you can help your child to understand their illness and help them stay strong through the situation. Learning about the symptoms of suicide, and talking about it will help you and your child to process the emotions. Thus, making them feel better.

If you think your child is showing the signs of depression, it’s very important to take them to a psychologist immediately.

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In today’s time, with technology and social media, the level of human interaction is decreasing. Even in a parent-child relationship, the communication between the parent and the child has fizzled out. According to a survey, children as young as a 6-year-old child can also show symptoms of depression. But, parents mostly dismiss them by putting it as a normal emotional behaviour in the child. Thus, by this statement the child’s depression often gets un-noticed. How to Identifying Depression?

Thus, below are few identifying symptoms of depression in children:

Low Mood and Unhappiness:

The child will most of the time present a very low mood. They will constantly feel down and unhappy.

Crying:

Showing your emotions is not a bad thing. But, when the child is always crying or tearful then it becomes an indicating symptom.

Irritable:

The child starts getting irritated at small things. Sometimes, they show irritable behaviour even when someone is trying to console them.

Low Energy:

Most of the times, the child will not be willing to indulge in any activity. Thus, showing lack, low energy.

Socially Isolated:

The child will start isolating himself/herself from others. They start preferring to stay alone and not indulge themselves in any activity. Thus, they will start to lose interest in activities they used to enjoy or like.

Lack of Sleep and Appetite:

Due to overthinking and worry they can’t sleep. Also, their appetite goes down or up too much.

Difficulty in Focusing and Concentrating:

A lot of times, they are unable to focus or concentrate on a single thing. Thus, hampering their decision-making capabilities. Their focus keeps on wandering and they start to reminiscence about their past and start thinking what went wrong.

Psychosomatic Pain:

As children are unable to express their feelings, their body starts showing symptoms of their feelings. Usually, the child will constantly have head or stomach aches without any medical reason.

Feelings of Guilt and Worthlessness:

The child will start blaming themselves for everything. Thus, it will make them feel that they are worthless and have an immense feeling of guilt. Hence, hampering their self-esteem.

Thoughts of Self-Harm:

Lastly, some of the children also show thoughts of self-harm and suicide. They will constantly feel worthless and think about ending their life.

If your child, or any child you know show these symptoms of depression, then it is advisable to visit a psychologist immediately.

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Grieving over a loss becomes the expression of the self. It presents the way a person pays respect to the lost “object”. Grieving over the loss object becomes very important and essential. But, the way someone grieves varies. It depends on the relationship with the person or object, on the physical health of the person and even the mental health.

How Does Grief Affect?

The reaction towards grief is different for every individual. Anxiety and helplessness often accompany in periods of grief. Sometimes, there are bursts of emotions and anger. Anger might come from the fact of the loss itself. Being left alone, becomes a lonely and frustrating affair. Then sadness follows, but it comes at a later period.

Knowing that these feelings are normal is very important. It helps in the grieving process in itself. Thus, it gives a hope that everything will turn out well. Also, it is also very important that you know these feelings will pass away.

Although, it’s a long process it varies from person to person. For some, it takes few weeks for others it might take a year or more. Thus, some people also need therapy or counseling to cope up with grief. But, eventually, it will go away. So, the hope to recover, helps you to cope with it.

How to cope with grief?

Firstly, it is important to know that there are no quick fixes. It will take its time depending on the relationship between the person or the object. But, after the period passes away it is less likely to be at the forefront of your mind.

Below are some ways which can help you in times of loss:

1. Express: Talking about the loss helps in coping up with it. It soothes the pain and helps in the healing process. A good friend, a therapist, a family member or a counselor can help you begin the process.
2. Feeling Sad: It is a normal process to feel sad. You should allow yourself to feel sad. It helps you express the turmoil you are feeling. It is also a healthy part of grieving.
3. Routine: Keeping up with the routine is very important. It helps you process and keeps you functional. Simple things like, walking the dog or eating your favorite meal help in the process of being functional.

   

4. Sleep: An emotional problem always effects your sleep. Sleeping recharges your emotional strength. If you have trouble sleeping then please see a professional.
5. Eat Healthily: A healthy well-maintained diet helps you cope up. A good physical health helps in keeping a healthy emotional health.
6. Avoid the thing which “Numb”: It is important that you avoid things which “numb” the pain. Alcohol and other substances will help you numb the pain momentarily. Once the effect wears off, the pain will be increased. Also, it can start a vicious cycle of addiction, which will lead to other problems.

When to get help?

Going to counseling straight away might not be a good option. But, if the sadness persists over a couple of months it is advised to get help. You will know when you want counseling or professional help. If the following persists you for over two months then it is best to get help.

1. You are not able to cope up with the emotions and unable to function daily routines.
2. The extreme emotions are not going away.
3. Loss of sleep.

   

4. You start showing symptoms of depression or anxiety.
5. Your other relationships are being affected.
6. Facing sexual problems.
7. Taking care of someone who is not able to cope up well.
8. Having a lot of accidents, or becoming accident-prone.

In conclusion, grief feels like a very difficult and lonely process. But, the ray of hope leads to a better environment. It is necessary that you do not isolate yourself. It is very important to be around friends or loved ones in such periods. You can always consult a professional, or a counselor to help you cope with grief.

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