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When a parent for the first time learns that their child whether son or daughter is a homosexual, they go through 4 different stages of grief and pain and finally and hopefully the fifth stage of acceptance.

When a child first comes out of the closet to you and admits to you that they are gay, you as a parent will go through five different stages. The objective is to move as quickly as possible through the first four stages and as quickly as possible come to the final stage i.e. the stage of acceptance.

The first stage is Denial

As soon as a parent learns either directly from their child, or from someone else or by an accidental method that their child is gay, there is a complete degree of denial. They believe that there is some mistake, or the child was experimenting or going through a phase. There is a complete denial that their child could be gay.

The second stage is Anger

The second stage is of anger. They blame other people of casting a spell, of being jealous of their family’s success. They are angry with God, as to why God let this happen to them.

The third stage is Bargaining or Questioning

This stage is bargaining with God, God, I will do this or that if you fix my son. There is bargaining with the child, we will give you all these things (or deny you our property) if you become straight. Other parents will seek appointments from doctors and therapists to change the sexual orientation of their child. They will question their relationship with the child and or their spouse. The mother may blame the father for not being a good role model, or the father may blame the mother for being over protective of the son.

The fourth stage is Depression

This stage is when you are overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. The loss of not having grandchildren, or a grand wedding for your child. The loss of face in society (friends and relatives) is disheartening. You yourself may feel suicidal. You start to feel the real pain and the pain is similar of that of death of near and dear one.

The firth stage is Acceptance

All healing in mind and spirit comes from acceptance. You need to accept that your child may be gay, but you love him (or her) nevertheless. Your love for your child is unconditional and not shallow that it is dependant on what society has to say or whether you have grandchildren.

It will be far more fulfilling to see you child in a loving and nurturing gay relationship instead of being in an loveless forced marriage or a life of singlehood.

Counselling from an experienced Psychologist will help you, your spouse, your gay child and his or her siblings accept quicker and move to the stage of acceptance quicker. This will be healthier for all of you.

To learn more about Dr. Kohli click here

All images are courtesy Pixabay

Human sexuality is one of the most complicated and confusing emotion that exists.  Individuals can be heterosexual, bi-sexual homosexual or asexual. Society accepts and condones of heterosexuality and accepts it as the norm.

Unfortunately, there is a significant amount of resistance and apathy towards homosexuality.  If you feel that you are a homosexual, i.e. you are attracted to and desire to have sexual relations with people of the same gender as yourself, it is an indication of being a homosexual.

Below are 7 tips on coming out as a Lesbian, Gay or Bi

1.  Don’t feel pressured: Your sexuality and your sexual preference is a very personal issue. You are under no obligation to anyone to feel under any kind of pressure to declare your sexual preferences to anyone.

2. Don’t choose between your religion and your sexuality: Almost all religions are unaccepting of Lesbians, Gay or Bisexuality.  It is your relationship with God that is important, and not what your religious leaders proclaim about sexuality. Seek out a group within your religious belief that supports your sexual preferences.

3. Read About Others: Before you come out (of the closet) read how others have come out. Gauge from other people’s experiences and route for declaring their sexuality.

Don’t throw caution to the wind!

4. Tell One Person: Before you tell the world, tell one trusted person. Tell someone who is close to you, a friend, a relative, a parent. Once you have told one person, you will feel so much better and then at your pace inform others who matter to you.

5. Forget stereotypes: Media, television and movies portray being Gay, Bi, or a Lesbian as an extremely one-dimensional character.  Being Gay doesn’t change who you are. Your sexuality is only one part of who you are. Your sexuality in no way limits what you can and will achieve in life.

6. Think about the positives: Once you accept your sexuality and start to live your lifestyle of choice a number of positives open up. You are no longer obligated to live a life of a lie. You will know who is close to you and appreciates and accepts who you truly are.

7. Give people time: Not everyone will jump and accept your sexuality. Parents, friends, relatives, colleagues at work will need time to accept and process your sexuality. Give them time and space to accept who you really are.

You are Who You Are

Once you come out of the closet, you will be amazed at how liberating and freeing it feels.  Each individual will have a different experience and for everyone, the journey of coming out may not be easy.  Just remain focused on the fact that you are doing the right thing for yourself.  You are permitting yourself to lead the life that God and nature wanted you too.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

The Kinsey Scale also is known as the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale. The scale goes from Zero to Six, where zero is the completely heterosexual and six is completely homosexual.

According to Alfred Kinsey, also known as the father of the sexual revolution, it is not possible to divide the world into a heterosexual and homosexual population.

Below is a pictorial representation of the ranges of the Kinsey and their explanation.

Signs that Your Husband or Boyfriend is a homosexual

1. He doesn’t look or check out other women: You maybe be in a committed relationship, but it the human tendency of heterosexual men to notice all women if your partner is not checking out other women, it may be a sign that he is a homosexual.
2. He checks out other men: If an attractive man walks into the room does your significant stop to look at him? He may be interested in men more than he is interested in women.
3. He is physical with other men: If he is touchy feely with other men. He enjoys the company of other men more then the company of women, this may be an indication of him being gay
4. He is homophobic: He displays a great dislike for gay people. This is a sign of his him being unsure of his own sexuality. A straight man most likely has nothing against gay men.
5. He is obsessed with other peoples sexuality: He is constantly assuming, talking about or commenting that other people may be gay.
6. Lack of interest in sex with you: He has very limited interest in sex with you. The reason for this is that he may be asexual, or he may be a homosexual.
7. His online behavior is suspicious: He is viewing gay porn or has gay friends and contacts on social media. Or he is listed on a gay dating website.

Your next Steps

There is a probability that since he is in a relationship with you, he isn’t gay but he is bisexual. Not every man who likes other men is gay, there is a silent majority of men who are bisexual.

So should you be worried if your man is bisexual? Most likely not, as long as he isn’t cheating on you. The fact that he is attracted to both men and women is no different than him being attracted to women other than you.

If your partner’s sexual preferences are confusing you, it makes sense to talk to an experienced Psychologist, who will be able to help you deal with your concerns.

Please read the connected article: Is your Husband Bisexual

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All Images courtesy Pixabay

September 06, 2018, will mark an important day for the LGBT community in India. The Supreme Court of India abolished Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC).  This law came into effect in the year 1982. It stated that the carnal intercourse against the order of nature with man, woman or animal was punishable with imprisonment of a lifetime or at least 10 years of jail, with or without fine.

Today’s judgment symbolizes the beginning of unbiased treatment for the LGBTQ community in our country. For a very long time, the community has been harassed and struggled. They had been treated as the discarded sections, always. But the decision of abolishing Section 377 is a huge initiation in terms of equality.

Chief justice Dipak Misra and Justices DY Chandrachud, AM Khanwilkar, Indu Malhotra, and Rohinton Fali Nariman decreed that LGBTQ community will now have the same sexual rights just like everyone else.

The Journey

In 2009, Delhi High court had declared that any consensual sexual act between homosexuals in private is not illegal. But later, Justice G S Singhvi did not validate the decision and said that it is on the members of Parliament to make any decision on the topic.

However, in April 2014, the Supreme Court suggested the government to declare transgender as the third sex and should be able to practice all the rights under the law and also asked the community in the OBC category. Naz Foundation in April 2016 filed a petition and the Chief Justice, TS Thakur decided to review the same along with a constitutional bench of 5 other members.

The Verdict

Finally, following the small steps over the time, here is the decision, taken for the welfare of the LGBTQ community. From the common man to the United Nations, everyone is praising the decision. There is a wave of happiness all over the country.

The Psychological Benefits of the verdict

The verdict is the right step in the direction of equality as there will be no victimization or labelling of any alternate sexuality. This might not end discrimination totally, but this will open the doors of acceptance for people of the LGBT community. The harassment and blackmailing of the gay people will stop, which had actually been one of the major reasons in the past for them to remain in the closet. The homosexuals who married the opposite sex due to the stigma can come out now, ending their unhappy marriages.

Accepting others for who they are is the biggest support one can give each other. Sexuality is not an acquired trait, its very much natural.

All the protests and demonstrations finally end in a fruitful result. From here on, there will be hearts full of love and heads held up high with pride.

Learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli