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The autumn festival of lights and conviviality arrive again! Diwali is at the leading edge of Hindu festivals. It is the most anticipated and preferred occasion of India, celebrated not just all over the country but in some other countries as well as Singapore, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Malaysia, etc.

Diwali in Different Religions

The festival holds significance not only for Hindus. It is wholeheartedly commemorated in other religions like Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism.

Diwali for Hindus

A lot of Hindus believe that Diwali marks the espousal day of Lord Vishnu with Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth. Bengalis offer prayers to Goddess Kali and carry out Lakshmi puja as a part of the celebration. People in Maharashtra pray to Lord Ganesha, who they regard as an epitome of virtuous inception and courageous eliminator of stumbling blocks. And this day symbolises the return of Ram, his wife Sita, and his brother Lakshman after defeating Ravan and returning home after an exile of fourteen years. The Diyas are lit to illuminate the path for Lord Ram and to signify the triumph of good over evil.

Diwali for Buddhists

It is on this auspicious day that King Ashoka left the path of violence and brutality. He surrendered himself to peace and tranquillity. He converted to Buddhism and hence this day is also marked as ‘Ashoka Vijayadashmi”. Buddhists chant the mantras and remember Lord Buddha and the king.

Diwali for Sikhs

Guru Hargobind Singh Ji was able to win his battle of freedom against the Mughal Emperor Jahangir and was able to free himself as well other gurus and Hindu kings from that slavery. And they all took shelter in Golden Temple at Amritsar. Every year on this day, Sikhs decorate the Golden Temple in the extremely exquisite way and organize various feasts.

Diwali for Jains

People of the Jain community believe that on this day Lord Mahavira had acquired absolute awakening or Nirvana. The people from the Jain community also lit lamps and put colourful lights. The light signifies the passage for itself deporting from the body and leading towards the path of enlightenment and flying away from reincarnation. It also represents the light of wisdom and knowledge.

Diwali brings happiness

Diwali is a 5-day Festival- Dhanteras, Choti Diwali, Badi Diwali, Govardhan Puja and Bhai Dooj. And each day it is own significance.
The occasion lets us experience the clean home good vibes and enhances social unity. We adopt a positive outlook and exchange gifts with near dear ones. We dress the best and enjoying amazing delicacies.

And above all, no event brings the friends and families together as the festival of Diwali.

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Read more about 7 Ways to Enjoy Diwali More

“Intimacy is the freedom and acceptance to be yourself with that “one” person!

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli

People always confuse sex with intimacy.

Only Sex isn’t intimacy. But Intimacy can be sex! Sex is physical attraction/intercourse between two individuals and needs to have an emotional bond to be intimate. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t guarantee intimacy. Sex is a part of intimacy and intimacy can be physical, emotional, sometimes intellectual and spiritual too.

So, the question exists, “Are sex and intimacy two different things?” “Can you have one without the other? Or does one lead to another?” Not everyone has similar thoughts; there are a lot of different opinions about it.

Intimacy is the heart of Sex

In an Intimate relationship, we allow the other person to enter into our heart, mind, body, and soul. Being intimate with your partner requires you to be open and honest with him or her, and it is from this state of intimacy when one enters a sexual activity.

Sex, within a relationship, is the most intimate act. When a couple is making love there isn’t just a physical act but also a deep connection with your partner which is intimate.

Intimacy without Sex

Sex is not the only way in which people give and receive love, so although it is very important, it is not the only way to create or express intimacy. In cases of medical issues like a lady who has given birth & is yet to heal or a person has undergone any surgery may not have sex, but still have an intimate relationship with the partner.

Intimacy is getting a simple morning hug from your partner, a non-sexual touch, a cheek kiss, enjoying each other’s company, having meaningful talks, caring for each other, laughing together for stupidest reasons, praising and motivating your loved one. It may not have Sex all the time.

Sex without Intimacy

Sex without intimacy is like food without hunger. Rape is Sex, without consent, an act that is paid for (prostitution) or even a one night stand may not be intimate. It’s just physical act with no emotions attached. But there can be a conflict that there is nothing more intimate than two people uniting and offering sex, therefore connecting, even in the case of a one-night stand.

A marriage can be more successful when both Sex and Intimacy are present. But with no intimacy and only sex would lead to a troubled marriage.

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All images courtesy Pixabay

Angry birds is not just an animation game, but a lot of us are angry birds in our real lives. Anger is one of the basic emotions and it is very normal to express the same. But it is a matter of concern if it runs rampant. Question is how to control anger?

Here are some tips to get a hold of your anger:

Write it down

You can pen down your thoughts, instead of displaying them out loud. Writing it down gives you time to analyze the whole situation. You can process your actions and reactions.

Keep a track

You can create an anger log and it may help you in providing insights about your behaviour. You may need not to maintain it for a longer duration, but doing so for 3-4 weeks will surprise you and reveal a lot to you about yourself.

Breathing Technique

When we are angry our whole body changes. Our heart runs fast, body temperature rises and breathes are shorter. Inhaling and exhaling deeply few times help us to control these physiological reactions.

Work out

Exercising is one of best ways to channelize all your energy and vent out the negativity we hold inside us. To begin with, you can follow a very basic workout regime. Try following various Zumba lessons easily available on YouTube. In fact, there are various apps available now that help you start with a workout plan at home only. Make use of such available options.

Beware of the triggers

Through keeping a track and writing down your thoughts in a journal, you can always figure out the factors that trigger anger in you. Stay clear of such situations in order to keep your cool.

Take a Break

When you are in a situation where your anger might just flare up, just detach yourself from that situation. Go to other room or just take a walk outside to divert yourself. You can try counting, as suggested by many. It is better to take the control before acting your anger out loud.

Understand the reason

Look for the clues and track down the reasons for your anger. As much as it is important to learn how to control your anger, it is equally important to learn the reasons behind your behaviour. At times, a factor might be precipitating for you and not for others.

Take Help

If you are unable to keep yourself calm and you feel you just blow things out of proportion due to your anger, seek professional help. There is no shame in the same and rather than hurting people around us and later regretting our words and actions, make amends in your behaviour beforehand.

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Life is not always a bowl full of cherries. Sometimes, things don’t go as per our expectations. We immediately feel immensely disappointed and heartbroken. What happens afterwards? What about our happiness? and how to choosing happiness?

When the reality starts to set in, we feel a loss of control and sense of frustration. We feel anguished and lost.

Eventually, we become dispirited. And rather than finding a solution we drown ourselves in the self-pity party!

Sounds familiar? A lot of us often get trapped in this destructive thought pattern where after a fiasco, one considers oneself lousy and rejects their life and dreams. And why? Just because a plan failed, a goal wasn’t accomplished or someone rejected our thoughts.

But should a few failures, a few unsuccessful events disintegrate your happiness?

Here we are, sharing some simple mantras that would help you to bounce back from the tragedy and get the happiness you deserve.

Take control of your emotions

We experience various emotions every day. When we experience a disappointing life event, we experience more negative emotions. As much as it is important to feel and acknowledge your emotions, it is equally important to keep a tab on these emotions. Because once you derail, it may severely taint your relationships with others.

Be careful of your actions

Do not let your negative emotions make you act in a way that will only take you downhill and fill your future with regrets. There is a difference between feeling something and acting it out loud.

Know your strengths

At times we overestimate our strengths and over expect from ourselves. It is best to know what exactly you are good at and set your goals accordingly.

Learn to be flexible

One of the greatest virtues to achieve happiness in life is to learn to accept a change. A change in one or the other aspect of life is inevitable. Build the ability to meet the challenges life throws at you.

Focus on Solution

Give value to the bigger picture of life rather than the catastrophe. Put the scattered pieces of life in a perspective and understand the situation you are preoccupied with.

One always has the choice to either sit and crib about how unfair this life is or make the required changes and be happy in the limited time you have in this life.

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New Year marks the beginning of not just another year, but a chance to build a new you. Most of us make promises to ourselves each year, but do we always fulfil the same?

Most of the resolutions go down swinging. People are unable to keep up with their plans for more than 1 or 2 months. A few reasons a resolution fails are:

• The resolution is unclear.
• Your resolution lacks a proper plan to achieve the target.
• You tag along with a friend’s idea, which focuses on their goals, not yours.
• You overestimate your capabilities.
• The resolution does not relate to your on-going scenario.

This time it doesn’t have to be the case. Here are ways to make things work for you this time:

Make a clear-cut goal

It is easier to achieve a target when it not ambiguous. Make a specific goal. For example, if you plan to lose weight, specify whether its 5 Kilograms or 10 Kilograms that you wish to get rid of.

The goal should be determinable

In order to know where you are, you should formulate a goal which can be measured. You can make note of the progress in some kind of journals, mobile application, etc. In fact, reinforcing your progress keeps you motivated.

An Attainable Goal

It is favourable to make a goal which you can actually achieve. Take one step at a time. When we set goals which may get out of our reach to fulfil, we tend to get discouraged and disheartened. This may lead to lower self-esteem and even affect your relationships with the people around you.

An Appropriate Goal

Set a goal, which is suitable for your circumstances and adds value to your life. Be in the right state of mind while you take a decision. Do not just get carried away at the moment just because so many people around you are doing the same.

Set a time-limit

Setting a time-bound goal is as important as considering any other factor. This provides you clarity about the timeline you have to accomplish the goal. Focusing on small achievements can make you look at overall progress, over the time.

Life doesn’t change 180 degrees, by getting up one day and randomly deciding to do something. You don’t just need a plan, but you need to be prepared for the hurdles that come along the way.
New Year can be a reason to leave behind the bad habits in the past. Keep a positive approach. And in case you miss the goal, be gentle and start fresh!

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Hard times can come to anybody. It can be disguised as a financial crisis, or a failure in an exam, and even a death in the family. In this situation, people tend to lose their mental stability and fall victim to various mental health illnesses. It affects the family and friends, creating a havoc in life. Thus, it is important to stay strong during these tough times.

Hence, below are few tips to stay strong during tough times:

Quit Being the Victim:

It’s very easy to feel like the victim in these situations. Which hampers your ability to think clearly, as well as you start to reject help which is coming from outside. Instead, you should take responsibility for what has happened. Thus, by doing this, you will be able to let go of resentments and bitterness and will be able to think clearly.

Focusing on the Positives:

When we go through tough times, it becomes very difficult to focus on the positives. You can list out the positives by maintaining a diary. In any situation, there are always some positive things, no matter how dire the situation is. Looking for the positive in the situation will help you relax and gain your mental stability.

Being Thankful:

We need to be thankful in face of any situation. Thanking about the current situation will help you look at the positives and take you out from self-pity or wallowing. Thanking about the things you have and didn’t get destroyed will focus on the positives and will broaden the structure you are seeing in.

Reach Out:

Helping others and taking help from others is not a shameful thing. Reaching out for help will actually provide you with a broader sense of the situation. It can help you find the closure you would need or the solution you were trying to find for. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, but it’s about being ready to explore what is outside the spectrum. Also, helping someone who is in need, no matter how dire your situation is, can provide you with a new perspective.

Limit Bad News:

The impact of any bad news increases ten folds if we keep on hearing the same thing again and again. Instead, it is better to limit the intake of the bad news. There is no need to hear the same thing from ten different people or social media platforms. Limiting the intake will help you absorb the news better and faster.

Get Rest and Sleep:

It is difficult to get rest or sleep when the times are hard and stressful. But, it is important to get proper rest and sleep during these times. Sleeping will help in restarting the body and the mind and you will be able to think better. Thus, to help you fall asleep you can resort to white noise and avoid taking any gadgets on your bed.

Exercise:

To channelize your tensions and emotions exercising is always a good option. It can also help you to fall asleep as it can tire your body out. Exercising can help you clear your mind and help you think clearly what steps you need to take. Thus, exercising doesn’t only mean going to the gym but just walking around a park or playing a sport.

Reflecting:

Reflecting back on yourself is very important. But, reflecting back doesn’t mean in self-pity, but to look at the actions you have had taken in the past. Thus, by reflecting on yourself you will be able to take better steps and decisions for your future. Hence, being ready for something which can go wrong.

Having support during tough times is very important. The above steps can help you stay strong during these times. But, if you feel like you require outside help, then you should not hesitate to ask a psychologist or a counsellor.

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At the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel burdened with inconclusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions. And this is absolutely acceptable. While your friends and family feel thankful for your break-up, they may not be able to understand the emotional turmoil going inside your heart and brain. But you should not carry on with toxic relationship

Let’s look at the end of an abusive relationship from the following aspects:

Mental and Emotional Health

Post being dumped by the person whom you considered to be your one and only soul mate, you might go through a roller coaster of emotions. The symptoms are often similar to that of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There might not be any visible scars to make it obvious that you are hurt, but the pain is similar to that of a physical injury.
You might even show obsessive behaviour, where you constantly think about your ex, your break up.
The more the covert these symptoms are, the more damage it can do to your emotional stability and the ability to overcome the trauma.

Attachment or Addiction?

When two people part their ways in a healthy way, they may feel hurt, but it does not take a psychological toll on the two persons involved. They eventually move on as a practical approach was followed to end the relationship. But in an emotionally abusive relationship, the break up isn’t as clean, rather the abuser is manipulative.
The victim might not recognize signs and develop an emotional attachment towards them.
You might re-run the events from your relationship in your mind several times throughout the day or read the old conversations.
Being with a person becomes addictive over a period of time, like an unhealthy attachment. It might seem normal and justified to the victim, but this really hampers their emotional well-being.

Moving on!

The first step to moving on is to accept your situation. A few things that you could do to overcome such a relationship are:

Take care of your emotions

Repairing your emotions requires great efforts. When you get abandoned by someone you are so addicted to, it affects your self-esteem negatively. You can feel used and discarded, angry and isolated. Instead of suppressing and being a home to them, it is very important that you accept and acknowledge your emotions. Recognize how you feel. You can make a journal about the same. If you feel like crying or screaming, do that.

Pen it down

At times it might be difficult for you to talk about your broken relationship and what all you went through in that. But it is important to express in order to heal. To start with, you can keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions, gradually opening up about it verbally.

Confide in Close ones

You can always count on your close friends and families when you feel the need to. Surround yourself with people. Avoid isolating yourself with your thoughts all the time.

Cut-off contact with the abuser

You need to cut off the contact with your ex. Being vulnerable might drag you to his doors, but this would be unhealthy. It is important to maintain a distance when you part ways with your abuser. You may feel a pull towards him, but remember it is unhealthy for your mental health if you remain connected to him.

Do not stalk

It may seem like a nice idea to keep a tab on your ex by stalking him on social media or keeping in touch with his friends. But this is not ideal. You must focus investing your time and energy on yourself rather than knowing about his whereabouts.

Postpone important decisions

In the times, when you are emotionally unstable it is better to not make any important life decisions, which may affect your future. Let yourself feel and heal for some time first.

Practice patience

For a physical injury to heal there is always a defined set of medicines and treatment method that one follows and gets okay. But for an emotional setback, you need to give yourself time. Every person takes their own time to get out of an emotional difficulty. Focus on your progress.

Seek Help

If your emotions are way out of control and are hindering with your daily life, you should seek for some professional help. In the times, when we are vulnerable, we might not be in the right state of mind to be emotionally efficient. A bit of advice about situation and lifestyle changes by a professional can prove to be of great help.

Are you in a healthy relationship? Have you been a victim of emotional abuse?

Call us for 15 minutes of free counselling at +91=9069069069.

September 06, 2018, will mark an important day for the LGBT community in India. The Supreme Court of India abolished Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC).  This law came into effect in the year 1982. It stated that the carnal intercourse against the order of nature with man, woman or animal was punishable with imprisonment of a lifetime or at least 10 years of jail, with or without fine.

Today’s judgment symbolizes the beginning of unbiased treatment for the LGBTQ community in our country. For a very long time, the community has been harassed and struggled. They had been treated as the discarded sections, always. But the decision of abolishing Section 377 is a huge initiation in terms of equality.

Chief justice Dipak Misra and Justices DY Chandrachud, AM Khanwilkar, Indu Malhotra, and Rohinton Fali Nariman decreed that LGBTQ community will now have the same sexual rights just like everyone else.

The Journey

In 2009, Delhi High court had declared that any consensual sexual act between homosexuals in private is not illegal. But later, Justice G S Singhvi did not validate the decision and said that it is on the members of Parliament to make any decision on the topic.

However, in April 2014, the Supreme Court suggested the government to declare transgender as the third sex and should be able to practice all the rights under the law and also asked the community in the OBC category. Naz Foundation in April 2016 filed a petition and the Chief Justice, TS Thakur decided to review the same along with a constitutional bench of 5 other members.

The Verdict

Finally, following the small steps over the time, here is the decision, taken for the welfare of the LGBTQ community. From the common man to the United Nations, everyone is praising the decision. There is a wave of happiness all over the country.

The Psychological Benefits of the verdict

The verdict is the right step in the direction of equality as there will be no victimization or labelling of any alternate sexuality. This might not end discrimination totally, but this will open the doors of acceptance for people of the LGBT community. The harassment and blackmailing of the gay people will stop, which had actually been one of the major reasons in the past for them to remain in the closet. The homosexuals who married the opposite sex due to the stigma can come out now, ending their unhappy marriages.

Accepting others for who they are is the biggest support one can give each other. Sexuality is not an acquired trait, its very much natural.

All the protests and demonstrations finally end in a fruitful result. From here on, there will be hearts full of love and heads held up high with pride.

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What are the Personality Disorders?

You would be suffering from a Personality Disorder if you have unhealthy and rigid patterns of Thinking, behaving and functioning. It is difficult to diagnose if you have a personality disorder because the way you behave and think is very natural to you. Since,You often find that the problems you have to face are due to other people around you and not due to your specific actions. Hence,You find it difficult to adjust to your work and interpersonal relationships.

These are relatively permanent patterns in the way you behave and experience inner emotions. The pattern is seen in areas of your thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and impulse management.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD)?

The classic description of NPD in one word is the pattern of “Grandiosity”, either in behavior or fantasy. You will have a longing desire for admiration from everyone and a complete absence of empathy towards other people. If you suffer from NPD, you will have an unshakable belief about your being of primary importance to anyone and everyone you meet.

People with NPD  generally have patronizing and snobbish attitudes. If you find yourself or a friend of yours complain about most of the people around themselves and finds faults about them; It could be an indication of NPD.

People with this Personality disorder believe that they are superior or special and like to bond with others who they believe are unique and special. When they associate with special people,their self-esteem is boosted, which is generally fragile in their cases. In addition,people with NPD cannot stand criticism or rejection in any form.

Specific symptoms of NPD

• You feel yourself to be “Very Important”
• Fantasizing about power, success, beauty, ideal romance or Intelligence
• You believe yourself to be unique and hence can only be understood by a few special people
• Need constant admiration and attention from others
• You always have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment from others
•  Do not hesitate to take advantage of others to reach your goals
• You have no empathy for the feelings of other people
•  Think others are jealous of you and You are jealous of others
• You always show an arrogant attitude and behavior

Possible causes and Treatment

The cause of NPD, like most of the personality disorders, are not very clear and absolute;However, But both genetic and environmental factors are responsible for the development of this condition. Early life experiences play a major role.

Hence, Treatment of NPD is difficult due to the pervasive underlying low self-esteem and hence the defensiveness and projected grandiosity. Also, It is very difficult for such people to acknowledge vulnerability. Although, Individual Therapy and Group Therapy can help them in relating to others in a more empathetic way and understand their patterns of behavior.

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Drawing, painting and other artistic experiences give us an opportunity to let our imagination loose. They provide with the opportunity to build, create and move from one place to another in our mind. Also, through these imaginations and artistic ventures, they have many mental health benefits along with them.

Thus, below are the mental health benefits of Drawing & Painting:

Relieves Stress:

One of the biggest benefits of drawing, painting or any other form of art is that they help relieve stress. These forms help the person to forget about their daily stress. Thus, they enable the person to take a break from everyday stresses. One of the methods to easily release stress is colouring. These days, there are adult drawing books consisting of mandalas. Thus, colouring these mandala’s help the person to distract themselves from the thing which is bothering them. Hence, relieving stress.

Encourages Creative Thinking:

Unlike subjects like maths, physics etc, artistic forms allow you to let your creativity flow. Thus, helping you to divert your mind and concentrate on a creative spectrum. Hence, encouraging you to use both the hemisphere of your brain. Thus improving your overall memory and problem-solving method.

Boosts Self-esteem and Confidence:

Whenever you or your child accomplish something, there is always a sense of achievement. This achievement boosts your or the child’s confidence and self-esteem. Similarly, when you complete a drawing, colouring, or painting, it gives you that sense of accomplishment. The drawing doesn’t need to be perfect, but the completion of the thing boosts the self-esteem.

Creates Connectivity and Increases Plasticity:

As mentioned artistic forms enable us to connect both the sector of our brains. Also, it increases our brains plasticity. Plasticity of the brain is used for handling different situations as well as changing our thinking pattern. It helps us to discover new thought patterns and enables us to find positive solutions. Thus, helping us to overcome difficult situations like depression or anxiety.

Increases Empathy:

It doesn’t matter if it is your art or you are looking at someone else’s work. Looking or engaging to any artistic activity engages with our emotions. These emotions are present in the same part of the brain which releases chemicals for love. Thus, when you look at art or create an art your brain releases chemicals which increases your empathy. Empathy helps us to understand our emotions and others emotions better. Hence, becoming more empathetic helps you in understanding situations and your loved ones better. Thus, decreasing levels of stress and stressors.

Art helps you to enjoy yourself as well as to improve your mental health. Thus, pick up your paintbrushes or drawing boards and start creating. Also, if you think you are suffering from depression or any other mental health issue, then please contact a professional immediately.

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