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Heartbreaks Hurt Deeply

Heartbreaks hurt deeply and give a hard pull on the strings that we grew attached to. Hence, it leaves us ripped to the core, overwhelmed with overpowering emotions of loss, despair, panic, shame, and hopelessness about the present and future. They also make a deep dent in our belief systems towards love and relationships. Thus, no one anticipates or wishes for such situation and it becomes difficult to handle yourself in those moments while you are still yearning to re-live the good times with your mate.

However, the sun has to shine, birds have to chirp, flowers have to bloom and life has to move on. Hence, it’s best to get over the pain and emotional ache before it gets out of hand. Let us look at the positive ways of coping with such situation:

Coping Mechanisms

Emotions: The emotional crisis is real and pretty much everyone who faces the situation will feel just like you. So, avoid bottling up your feelings and let them out, through tears if you will. By doing this, you will make moving on easier for yourself.

Activities: Also, engage in activities that you enjoy and let you relax. That keeps the mind off the heartbreak and the feeling will subside over time.

Accept: Most importantly, accept the happening and accept yourself and remember that it was just a learning experience which will have a positive effect on your future. This one person’s love need not be the end of love for you. Avoid self-hatred and sense of rejection towards self and focus on self-nurture.

Mingle: Make it a point to meet friends and family and plan trips or outings with them.  They are your support system and will be more than happy to help you navigate your tough times.

Focus on moving on. Focus for a while on your career and family. If you help someone else out, you’ll feel good, and have a chance to take your mind off the pain. Good times are a great way to help you get over heartbreak. Keep ongoing with your day and focus on your work.

Serve: Community service is one of the best ways to feel a sense of importance, mission, and purpose. Helping others will give you good feelings and take your mind off the pain.

Shift focus: Shift your focus from feeling the pain of breakup towards building yourself. Focus on your growth by improving your skills, career, income, and health.

Gratitude: Be grateful for all the positive things in your life. Think about creating your future instead of letting a single loss destroy a beautiful possibility of life.

Fill your time: This might sound like escapism but it’s a good strategy in the initial stages after a break-up. Fill your time to the last minute on purposeful activities while at the same time, allowing yourself some space to grieve and let it out.

Seek professional help: Don’t be ashamed if you are unable to help yourself. A skilled counseling professional can quicken the process and ease the emotional pain for you.

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Anxiety VS Stress

First of all, one needs to understand how anxiety is different from stress. In general, the term Anxiety is used interchangeably with the term Stress. Certainly, there is a difference between anxiety and stress.
Hence, Stress is a response to short term pressure but anxiety is the adverse effect of stress. Unlike stress, anxiety doesn’t have identifiable root. Anxiety tends to persist relatively long time than stress. In contrast, Anxiety is a typical mental disorder and tough to treat.

Anxiety

Likewise, Occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. You might feel anxious when faced with a problem at your work place, before an exam, or making an important decision. Certainly, Anxiety is not only temporary worry or fear but it involves more than temporary worry or fear.

Therefore, an Anxiety disorder can affect a wide area of life such as work performance, social and personal relations etc.

There are some general symptoms for anxiety disorders:

• Panic/Fear
• Change in sleeping pattern
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Uneasiness
• Not able to calm and cool
• Dry mouth
• Emotional instability

Causes and Management

Moreover, it is yet to find that what are causes anxiety. Many research studies continue to find the answer. Many studies culminated that many things combine to bring anxiety. It can be physiological or brain change, environment change or even it can be your gene.

Specifically, no lab tests are there to identify anxiety but the medical history and face to face interview help to diagnosis it.

Finally to cure anxiety, one must take a help for an expert or experienced psychologist. Who can apply appropriate therapy to treat anxiety disorder? For example, cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful to treat by recognizing and changing thought and behavior which trigger anxiety.
Medication of anti-depression also helps initially but therapy is useful for final results.

Depression VS Anxiety

Depression and anxiety disorders are also different, but evidence shows that people with depression often experience symptoms similar to anxiety disorder, such as problems sleeping and concentrating, difficulty in adjustment, irritability etc.
There is still no evidence one disorder causes the other, but there is clear evidence that many people suffer from both disorders.

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Healthy Living Tips: Frequently, I have to counsel my patients on how to live a healthy lifestyle. Given below are the tips that I share with them. My advice and guidance to you would be to follow this lifestyle for about six weeks and then notice the change in your life.

Eat Clean

The most important advantage that you can give to your body is to eat clean food. Eat real, whole foods, this means it is much better to eat a whole mango than a mango ice cream. Eat brain-boosting foods such as almonds. When it comes to the color of your food, think the rainbow colors. The rainbow has multiple colors, and your food should also be multi-colored (naturally) eat yellow mangos, purple brinjals, green cucumbers, and white curd. Make each meal a multi-colored extravaganza. Choose high-quality lean proteins such as daals. Buy chemical free foods, there are shops selling organic food, buy that. Drink at least 2 liters of water daily, the more water you drink the more toxins will be flushed out of your body. And finally, cook at home, eat outside food less and less.

Exercise

Choose something fun to do, if you enjoy cricket or badminton start playing those games. Create a SMART plan for your exercise. A smart plan has the following 5 characteristics: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Track your progress, maintain a dairy or use your smartphone to measure the amount you exercise daily. Pick a time that works for you.

Sleep

Get 7-8 hours of sleep daily. Period. Do not compromise on your sleep.

Think Positive

Start your day on a positive note, when you get out of bed in the morning, be happy, say a small prayer and thank God that you are alive. Listen to inspirational music. Focus on your blessings, while you may think that everything is going wrong in your life, that is not true. There are positive things happening daily. Focus on those.

Give more

Verbalize thankfulness, thank God, thank everyone who does something for you. Help some in need, being generous to those who are less fortunate than you will help you live your life healthily.

Love

Embrace supportive relationships, there are people, friends, relatives and others who are supportive of you. Embrace these people. And wean away from unhealthy relationships.

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Fitness Motivation: Everyone dreams and desires to have a fit, muscular body.  The only difference between those who have this body and those who are only dreaming this body is motivation. They need to remember, only they can change their body, nobody can do it for them.  For those who are lacking the motivation of going to the gym, because they are too busy, too tired, or don’t have enough money to join a gym, let me tell that these are just excuses, and they need to get over these excuses.

For those who feel that they don’t have enough money to join a gym: a good jog in the park, followed by push-ups, and some planks doesn’t cost any money!  Those of us who are too tired to exercise: they will be astounded by the increase in energy after exercising. For those who are too busy to exercise: I just have one piece of advice, if you can’t spare 4% ( i.e. one hour) of your day to improving your health, you need to just remember today you are sacrificing your health chasing money, tomorrow you will be sacrificing your money to regain your health. And let me assure you that, that is practically impossible.

So if you are too de-motivated to exercise, here are some of my favorite tips:

Remove those invisible barriers,

That prevent you from going to the gym, nobody at the gym is making fun of you or judging, because you are fat, unfit, or don’t know how to use the fancy equipment. Everyone in the gym is working on improving themselves and not staring at you.

Take a friend along with you to the gym,

Nothing better than a friend to motivate you to get out of bed, and hit the gym. Plus it will give you the confidence to have someone you know with you

Join the gym that you like,

Find a gym either close to you home, or office/college, it shouldn’t be too far out of the way. Find a gym where the staff is friendly and gym trainers helpful. Joining a gym is an investment in your health, and this is not the place to save money on. Save money elsewhere, but not on the gym.

Track your progress,

Download a good app on your phone that allows you to track the distance you run or the amount you lift. Simply exceeding what you did yesterday will motivate you to do better today.

Don’t set extremely ambitious goals

That you will run a marathon, or bench press so much weight, your only goal, should be to better than you did yesterday.

Reward yourself when you do well,

But don’t make the reward a chocolate or a meal out, instead reward yourself with new clothes, trainer lesson, or a new supplement.

Make friends in the gym,

That muscular weight lifter who seems very intimidating most likely is the sweetest, gentlest person who would be more than happy to show you the right techniques

Go online

To youtube and see watch videos of people who have transformed their bodies, learn from their mistakes.

Remember, you won’t get an amazing chiseled body by dreaming about it, but you get it by working for it. It takes 3 months of regular working out for others to notice the change in you. So, don’t wait just go for it!

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Becoming sexier: Ever since the dawn of mankind, men have wanted to appear more appealing so as to be able to attract women. You can call it becoming more attractive, becoming more charming or becoming sexier.  The primal need is to attract a partner of the opposite sex who finds you appealing.

This isn’t a complex process, just 4 simple steps are what differentiate between a sexier and not so sexy man.

Confidence:

A confident man can be seen from a distance, his stance, his gait, and posture set him apart from the crowd. To be confident you need to accept yourself for whom you are. Accept yourself for all your major and minor flaws. Differentiate between arrogance and confidence, arrogance is negative and superficial, something that people put one, confidence is internal and positive and exudes itself.

Grooming and Hygiene:

Bath, shower frequently, clip your nails, keep your hands clean, a nice hair cut and a shaved or trim beard is essential. Use a deodorant, just enough, don’t overdo it. Brush your teeth twice a day, use dental floss. Nothing is more charming than white shiny teeth when you smile. Wash your face daily and have fresh glowing skin. Pluck that uni-brow and have two distinct eyebrows! Use cologne daily but sparingly. If you can smell your own cologne you have overused it.

Conversation:

Learn to converse, if you are shy about conversing; rehearse what you would like to speak about. Pick up a couple of conversation starters on latest books, movies, or other current topics. Keep watching her body language to check if she is engaged in listening to what you are saying, if not, or switch topics quickly.

Good Humor:

Every woman appreciates a man with a good sense of humor, practice a couple of jokes, and keep a repertoire of jokes in your memory ready. Women love funny guys!  Women like humor, social tact, and sexiness.

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Becoming Handsome – There’s a handsome guy hiding inside every man’s body.

I recently had an extremely successful young man, come for counseling. He was a typical overachiever, a graduate of a top engineering college, and MBA from a top university and having a high paying job, but feeling unsuccessful because of his looks. I am sharing with you the advice I gave him.

Handsomeness can be increased dramatically in almost all men by doing at least one of:

Haircut:

Grow your hair a little longer in length than usual, and then go for the most expensive haircut you can afford, try going on a weekday when the barber isn’t so busy. Treat the barber like a consultant, talk to him, carry some hair style photos on your phone, and spend some time discussing the pros and cons with him. This is also a good time to indulge yourself in a shampoo, blow dry, a pedicure and a manicure along with a facial.

Skincare:

Nothing more important than to look after your skin, drink lots and lots of water, and daily use a moisturizer along with sun block when you step out in the sun.

New wardrobe:

Update your wardrobe, next time you go shopping, buy quality, and premium clothes, treat the sales staff as guides on what suits you and what doesn’t. Also invest in a good watch, and expensive shoes.

Lose weight:

If you are above your ideal body weight, consider losing weight, it pays to go to a professional dietician and learning how to do it correctly.

Build muscle:

Fit and muscular men are not handsome!

Increase confidence:

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” –Barrie Davenport

The last one, i.e. increase confidence is the most powerful one. If you are just a normal “ugly guy” you can 100% with some effort to improve your looks dramatically. Other people tend to treat you as well as you treat yourself, so learn to treat yourself well.

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All images are courtsey Pixabay

Mothers Love: Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.

Things your mother never told you:

•You made her cry..a lot:

Every time you hurt, she hurt, when you didn’t fare well in school or got into fights in the playground, she would hurt and cry. But she hid her tears so that you wouldn’t see her tears as a sign of her weakness. She wanted to remain strong for you.

• She wanted that last piece of cake:

She endlessly sacrificed her wants her desires and her needs for you. She wanted that symbolic last piece of cake but gave it to you so that your needs came before hers.

• It hurts:

Being a mother hurts, every cruel remark you, every time you refused to eat the meal she cooked, it hurt her.

• She was always afraid:

She was afraid when you stepped out of the house, till the moment you re-entered the house. As long as you were under her protected sight, you were safe. At any moment she would sacrifice her life to protect you.

• She knows that she is not perfect:

She knows that she has flaws and you didn’t need to remind her. She is working on fixing them. To you, your mother may not be perfect, but she is continuously striving to improve herself.

• She watched you as slept:

Even as you grew older she watched you sleep. The systematic rhythm of your breathing while you slept, gave her confidence that you were safe and secure.

• She carried you a longer than nine months:

She may have carried you only for 9 months in her womb, but she carried you much longer in her heart.

• She put you first:

She has always cherished you and put you first before herself

• She would do it again:

Despite the stress of nourishing you in her womb, the pain of childbirth and the effort of raising you. She would do it again and again. Never doubt that.

The law of the universe is that a woman can’t become a mother without a man, so the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

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It is a well-known fact that attractive people earn more, are more successful, have more friends, and have more of the better things in life. Fortunately becoming more attractive is a learned activity, and anyone and everyone can become more attractive. There is a difference between becoming more attractive and more beautiful for women and more handsome for men. While becoming more beautiful or handsome is also possible that is a topic for a future blog. This blog is focussed on becoming more attractive.

For a person to be considered attractive it isn’t just about the person’s physical appearance, but it is about increasing your confidence level, creating your own persona and style and to look after your grooming and how you appear.

To be more attractive is simple, and you need to do the following 3 things only:

 Have a Good Personality:

To have a personality that is attractive to other people, you need to be more confident, and more relaxed. Stop living in the past or the future live in the present moment. Improve your listening skills, people talking to you should feel that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, and be honest and respectful to what they have to say. Share your own passions and interests with others, and constantly do different things that enrich your life. Enrich your life with new experiences whether it is bungee jumping or learning to bake a cake. You need to be true to yourself, and honest about whom you are, and never change yourself to meet someone else’s expectations.

 You can boost your physical Attractiveness:

First, you need to realize that your physical appearance is just a small portion of your overall attractiveness. If you are overweight, lose some weight, if you are underweight then gain some weight. If you are a female, wear makeup, if you are a male, groom yourself, shave, look after your skin. Learn how to modulate your voice. How you sound makes you very attractive, you can learn to modulate your voice.

 Learn to take care of yourself:

Don’t be harsh on yourself for your past mistakes. Learn to love yourself and be kind to yourself. Improve your fitness levels, make daily exercise a regime. Drink plenty of water each day, it will rejuvenate your skin and bring a nice glow to it, and don’t forget to sleep 7-8 hours daily, and eat healthy nutritious foods, they will bring a glow to your skin. One of the best-kept secrets of attractiveness is a good smile, look after your teeth, and practice smiling in front of a mirror. Just like bodybuilders build their biceps, attractive people train their facial muscles to give that perfect smile. And last but not least, look after your hair, good healthy shiny hair couple with an excellent haircut add quantum to your attractiveness quotient.

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Positive Mind Benefits: It is important to train your mind to be positive. The benefits of a positive mind are plenty, as Shiva Khera rightly said “Your positive action combined with positive thinking results in success”, and eventually all of us are seeking success. Whether the success we are seeking is in our job, our relationship or bank balance, being positive helps us achieve this success.

Surprisingly being positive is a learned behavior, just as we learn to drive a car, cook food, or speak a foreign language we can learn to be positive. Given below are my tips on achieving a positive mind, and hence reap the benefits of a positive mind.

Write 3 positive things daily:

On your bedside keep a diary and without fail before falling asleep write three positive things that happened today. These need not be momentous positive things but could be minor positive things such s a delicious cup of hot tea, just when you needed it. Or getting the metro, bus, or auto without waiting for long. Whatever positive happened today, write it down in your diary. Not only will you feel good recalling what happened today, but on certain days you will enjoy reading these.

Daily appreciate someone:

This is my favorite, on a daily basis genuinely appreciate someone who has done something nice. You need to appreciate someone’s thoughtfulness. Start out by doing this at least once a day, and going forward do this multiple times each day.

One act of kindness daily:

Do a small minor act of kindness daily, it could be as simple as giving a candy bar to a child. But do something that brings a smile to someone’s face.

Live in the present:

On the other hand, don’t live in the past or in the future. Live just now. As Buddha said Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. If you have a problem doing this, wear a rubber band on your wrist, every time you feel that your mind is straying into the future or the past, snap this rubber band hard!

In conclusion, on this journey of training to see the good in all things, you will notice that once you replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, you will start seeing positive results. This is the law of attraction.

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