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Relationships are complex, let alone when you work together and are under the constant scrutiny of media. We all are familiar with the news of duke and duchess of Sussex leaving their royal family duties, but we are unaware of their reasons to do so.

Just like common families, the royal family also goes through disputes and that can a cause rift between the family. In cases of utmost trouble, cutting family ties seems the only possible and helpful. While taking a breather can be helpful, it can also be damaging.

While the situation might seem helpless, you can reconnect and improve the relationships. A combination of maintaining a little distance for personal space and taking one step at a time to improve relationships is a good choice.

Mending broken relationship

Before going onto rebuild the relationship, it is important to go back to the root cause of the problem and understanding what exactly happened and why. Try to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective and be empathetic.

Be ready to forgive

Often, a lot of time no one is wrong in a dispute. You need to ask yourself “do you want to be right or mend your relationship?”, you have to decide if you want to stick to your gun or accept the fact that this you will never agree upon. If you choose to accept the difference and forgive one another, you’ll be able to let go of the resentment and take those steps to heal the relationship.

Keep reaching out

It may be difficult but you might have to take the first step to initiate contact. Do not directly reside to face-to-face contact as it can be very triggering, rather at first try to connect through methods that are less intrusive like emails, letters, and calls.

Start slow and meet in public

Just because you decided to meet does not mean that your relationship is okay now, it is an overwhelming process. Try and keep realistic expectations and go slow. Seeing your family in the household can be very triggering and might erupt some unexpected emotions like anger, resentment and sadness. Hence, prefer to meet in a public, like a coffee place, which is safe and offers a neutral environment.

Find a mediator

Sometimes you need a third person to help you in the healing process. This mediator could be a counselor, an impartial friend or relative. The mediator can help you communicate your feelings and opinions in a neutral environment and help you work through your feelings.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

Image courtesy Pixabay and Wikipedia

“Intimacy is the freedom and acceptance to be yourself with that “one” person!

Psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli

People always confuse sex with intimacy.

Only Sex isn’t intimacy. But Intimacy can be sex! Sex is physical attraction/intercourse between two individuals and needs to have an emotional bond to be intimate. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t guarantee intimacy. Sex is a part of intimacy and intimacy can be physical, emotional, sometimes intellectual and spiritual too.

So, the question exists, “Are sex and intimacy two different things?” “Can you have one without the other? Or does one lead to another?” Not everyone has similar thoughts; there are a lot of different opinions about it.

Intimacy is the heart of Sex

In an Intimate relationship, we allow the other person to enter into our heart, mind, body, and soul. Being intimate with your partner requires you to be open and honest with him or her, and it is from this state of intimacy when one enters a sexual activity.

Sex, within a relationship, is the most intimate act. When a couple is making love there isn’t just a physical act but also a deep connection with your partner which is intimate.

Intimacy without Sex

Sex is not the only way in which people give and receive love, so although it is very important, it is not the only way to create or express intimacy. In cases of medical issues like a lady who has given birth & is yet to heal or a person has undergone any surgery may not have sex, but still have an intimate relationship with the partner.

Intimacy is getting a simple morning hug from your partner, a non-sexual touch, a cheek kiss, enjoying each other’s company, having meaningful talks, caring for each other, laughing together for stupidest reasons, praising and motivating your loved one. It may not have Sex all the time.

Sex without Intimacy

Sex without intimacy is like food without hunger. Rape is Sex, without consent, an act that is paid for (prostitution) or even a one night stand may not be intimate. It’s just physical act with no emotions attached. But there can be a conflict that there is nothing more intimate than two people uniting and offering sex, therefore connecting, even in the case of a one-night stand.

A marriage can be more successful when both Sex and Intimacy are present. But with no intimacy and only sex would lead to a troubled marriage.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

What is Marriage? Marriage is nothing but the union of two individuals who have decided to share their lives with each other, support in good/bad situations until the rest of their lives.

What is a Successful marriage then?

A successful marriage is like falling in love with the same person many times. No wedlock is perfect; one has to make it perfect. A successful marriage can be defined as where the relationship is open, transparent, balanced, honest, respectful, commitment, accepting flaws and unconditional LOVE!

It is always a conscious effort of being determinant of overcoming any obstacles and supporting, motivating one another in their thick and thin.

So a successful marriage is based on these Four Main pillars not necessarily being in the same order. Any issue with even one of the pillar can break your wedlock.

Communication:

Communication is like oxygen to a Life, without it, it dies. Healthy communication can help a marriage to bloom further and save a match from divorce as well. A direct, honest and an open relationship would be a key to any successful wedlock.

Money:

They say Love is more important than money, but have you tried paying your bills with a Hug??!! Money is a very crucial aspect in a successful wedlock as the couple share, plan, spend and manage their funds together. A couple can be happy even if they co-jointly earn 50 thousand a month and be unhappy even if they earn 2 lacs a month.

Sex and Intimacy:

A successful married couple must be connected well on the emotional and physical level both. There has to be intimacy along with sex for a happy union.

Family:

Choosing your partner over family or family over a partner is difficult but the person has to balance between both to lead a successful match.

These four principles, when followed by both the partners, will help the couple to flourish their relationship and make it everlasting.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images are courtesy Pixabay

If you suspect that your husband is cheating, what are your options? In over 25 years of counseling, I have had the opportunity to counsel many couples where one spouse feels or finds out that the other spouse is cheating on them. This article is focused on wives who have cheating husbands.

Cheating can be of two types

Physical, where the husband is having a sexual relationship with another woman (or man)

Emotional, where the husband is having an emotional relationship with another person. The husband confides his emotions and is emotionally dependent upon the other person.

The third option is where the husband is both emotionally and physically involved with another person.

Different couples have different perspectives on their marriage. Some women feel that physical sexual relationships are immaterial and it is the emotional bonding that is more important. While other couples feel that emotional bonding is irrelevant and that the person is only committed to them physically.

Here are 7 things a woman should do if she finds out that her husband is cheating on her:

• Accept your feelings: Understand that there will be emotions such as hurt, anger, resentment, confusion which you need to process
• Don’t act in revenge: Many women will talk ill about their spouse or have an extra-marital affair themselves. These are counterproductive. The short term they may make you feel better, but in the long term, they harm in healing either for a future together or alone.
• Stay Healthy: Your body may react adversely, you make fall sick with the stress. Continue to eat right and exercise correctly.
• Avoid the blame game: Don’t blame yourself, your spouse or the third party. This is a zero-sum game
• Don’t involve the children: This is your problem between you and your husband. Involving your children will confuse them, scar them and potentially change their views on marriage, sex, and promiscuity.
• Think Relationally: Was this a one-time indiscretion, or is your husband promiscuous? Is this indiscretion worth ruining your relationship? Besides this incident, do you continue to love your husband? Do your financial, socially, and family issues make separation and divorce not practical?
• Seek counseling: You should certainly seek counseling from an experienced Psychologist. The is a life-altering incident. Your Friends and family are neither trained nor nonjudgemental in guiding you on such a sensitive issue. It is advised to seek counseling from a professional.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here
All images are courtesy Pixabay

Either your husband or boyfriend confessed to you, or by some other means you found out that he is a bisexual. A bisexual man will be sexually attracted to both men and women.

What are your options? Do you end your relationship? Will you waste away all the emotions that you have invested in this relationship?

Is it your belief that a bisexual man is just a secret homosexual man? A homosexual man who is hiding his homosexuality by calling himself a bisexual?

The reality of the fact is that a silent major of men are bisexual, they are attracted both to men and women, and this is completely normal and acceptable. What is most important is, is your significant other monogamous?

The Kinsey Report

One of the most respected Psychologists in the field of Human Sexuality has been Alfred Kinsey. Very few researchers since then have conducted such in-depth studies on Human Sexuality. In 1948 Alfred Kinsey published his report call the “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” and in 1953 the followup report was called the “Sexual Behavior in the Human Female”.
Kinsey classified humans beings in the range of 0 to 6, where 0 is completely heterosexual and 6 is completely homosexual. They also have a classification called “X” where there is no interest in sex.

Most women who find out that their partner is bisexual are worried that he will cheat on them. Or that they won’t be able to handle if their partner cheated on them with another man. The reality is that cheating is a personality trait and not a sexual trait.

According to Kinsey, it is estimated that:
10% of the population is homosexual
25% of the population is heterosexual

What is Right & What is Wrong?

Let’s assume you are in a relationship with a heterosexual man. Is there any guarantee that your heterosexual partner can’t have an affair with another woman? Is there any surety that he isn’t fantasizing about other women while he is being intimate with you?

Finally, what is more important than your partner is monogamous or heterosexual. Are you willing to accept a heterosexual partner who is not monogamous vs. a bisexual partner who is monogamous?

If you are unsure on what you need to do, please seek marital counselling from an experienced Psychologist.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

At the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel burdened with inconclusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions. And this is absolutely acceptable. While your friends and family feel thankful for your break-up, they may not be able to understand the emotional turmoil going inside your heart and brain. But you should not carry on with toxic relationship

Let’s look at the end of an abusive relationship from the following aspects:

Mental and Emotional Health

Post being dumped by the person whom you considered to be your one and only soul mate, you might go through a roller coaster of emotions. The symptoms are often similar to that of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There might not be any visible scars to make it obvious that you are hurt, but the pain is similar to that of a physical injury.
You might even show obsessive behaviour, where you constantly think about your ex, your break up.
The more the covert these symptoms are, the more damage it can do to your emotional stability and the ability to overcome the trauma.

Attachment or Addiction?

When two people part their ways in a healthy way, they may feel hurt, but it does not take a psychological toll on the two persons involved. They eventually move on as a practical approach was followed to end the relationship. But in an emotionally abusive relationship, the break up isn’t as clean, rather the abuser is manipulative.
The victim might not recognize signs and develop an emotional attachment towards them.
You might re-run the events from your relationship in your mind several times throughout the day or read the old conversations.
Being with a person becomes addictive over a period of time, like an unhealthy attachment. It might seem normal and justified to the victim, but this really hampers their emotional well-being.

Moving on!

The first step to moving on is to accept your situation. A few things that you could do to overcome such a relationship are:

Take care of your emotions

Repairing your emotions requires great efforts. When you get abandoned by someone you are so addicted to, it affects your self-esteem negatively. You can feel used and discarded, angry and isolated. Instead of suppressing and being a home to them, it is very important that you accept and acknowledge your emotions. Recognize how you feel. You can make a journal about the same. If you feel like crying or screaming, do that.

Pen it down

At times it might be difficult for you to talk about your broken relationship and what all you went through in that. But it is important to express in order to heal. To start with, you can keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions, gradually opening up about it verbally.

Confide in Close ones

You can always count on your close friends and families when you feel the need to. Surround yourself with people. Avoid isolating yourself with your thoughts all the time.

Cut-off contact with the abuser

You need to cut off the contact with your ex. Being vulnerable might drag you to his doors, but this would be unhealthy. It is important to maintain a distance when you part ways with your abuser. You may feel a pull towards him, but remember it is unhealthy for your mental health if you remain connected to him.

Do not stalk

It may seem like a nice idea to keep a tab on your ex by stalking him on social media or keeping in touch with his friends. But this is not ideal. You must focus investing your time and energy on yourself rather than knowing about his whereabouts.

Postpone important decisions

In the times, when you are emotionally unstable it is better to not make any important life decisions, which may affect your future. Let yourself feel and heal for some time first.

Practice patience

For a physical injury to heal there is always a defined set of medicines and treatment method that one follows and gets okay. But for an emotional setback, you need to give yourself time. Every person takes their own time to get out of an emotional difficulty. Focus on your progress.

Seek Help

If your emotions are way out of control and are hindering with your daily life, you should seek for some professional help. In the times, when we are vulnerable, we might not be in the right state of mind to be emotionally efficient. A bit of advice about situation and lifestyle changes by a professional can prove to be of great help.

Are you in a healthy relationship? Have you been a victim of emotional abuse?

Call us for 15 minutes of free counselling at +91=9069069069.

A marriage is made up of dreams and aspirations of two people. But, it is not always necessary that two people will always have their “happily ever after”. Sometimes, the marriage becomes a prison for both of the partners involved. Hence, divorce becomes the only solution. But, even after divorce, many times people go through a tough time. They go through grief, pain, sadness along with other negative feelings.

Thus, because of all this pain and grief, it becomes very difficult to move on. But, it is important to remind yourself that sooner or later you will get through this situation.

Hence, below are 7 tips on how to cope up after the divorce:

Face the Feelings:

Going through a divorce evokes a lot of feelings, including grief, relief, pain, anger etc. It is important to face these feelings instead of running away from them. Identifying and acknowledging these feelings is often painful, but it is necessary as well. If you ignore these feelings then it will only prolong the grieving process.

Don’t go through this alone:

As it is a harsh time, the tendency is always towards isolating yourself. Isolation will not help you in coping with your feelings. Thus, it is necessary to talk to someone. If you feel the need, then you can also talk to a therapist or a marriage counsellor.

Talk about the Feelings:

Talking about your feelings is difficult but it is necessary also. Talking about your feelings to people who are close to you, will help you in coping up with the feelings. Thus, people around you who know about your feelings will make you feel less alone. Alternatively, you can also start writing a journal where you can write about your feelings.

Give Yourself a Break:

After the divorce, it is very difficult to resume your daily activities or job at a normal pace. Thus, it is important to give yourself the break and time you need to heal. It is not possible that everyone can function at their 100% every time. Hence, don’t be too harsh on yourself if you are not able to work like you used to work before.

Moving on should be the desired end:

Talking about your feelings and sharing them is a big step forward. But, it is also important to not dwell on these feelings for too long. Thus, it is important to remember that the final goal is to move on rather than getting tangled within these feelings.

There is still a Future:

As mentioned earlier, a marriage is a bond of not just two people but, of their dreams, aspirations and hope for the future. Hence, after a divorce, these dreams of the future crumble down, which increases the sadness. But, it is important to remember that going through a divorce is not the end of the future. There will be new dreams and hopes which will take over soon.

Understand the difference between a normal reaction and Depression:

It’s very important to understand the difference between a normal reaction to a divorce and entering into a depressive phase. In the normal reaction, these feelings will slowly fade away, and you will move on. But, if you find nothing is changing, and these feelings aren’t going away, then it might be that you are entering into a depressive phase.

Going through a divorce is a very difficult period. Most of the times, it does lead to depression for either of the partners. Hence, if you or someone you know is going through a divorce, or suffering from depression because of the same, then please visit a mental health professional immediately.

Learn More about Dr Prerna Kohli

All images courtesy Pixabay

No marriage is perfect, but it takes special work to reach to a healthy and happy married life. A happy marriage doesn’t mean that you avoid fights, but it means to handle the emotions maturely. Most of the couple’s struggle to achieve a healthy marriage, but some are able to achieve them. Below mentioned signs tell about signs of happy marriage. Most of the couples indulge in the practices mentioned below daily in their life.

Hence, if you want your marriage to be happier and stronger, you can try and implement these tips mentioned below:

They Don’t Speak About the Other on Their Backs:

Psychologists have studied that the tone and the manner you speak about your spouse determine your married life. Thus, it is important to not to speak bad things about your partner even when they are present. You should be able to handle the situation in a mature manner, even when the other has done something wrong. Hence, speaking with each other in a respectful manner.

They Prefer Speaking Face to Face more than through Phones:

In the era and time of smartphones, most of our time is spent on the screens. But, couples who have a healthy married life prefer to have eye contact rather than trying to spend most of their time on their screens. Thus, it is about making time for each other and having a healthy discussion.

They Don’t Bring up the Past:

A healthy married couple will always try to bring out the best in each other. The most important thing they will do is, not keep a scorecard. They will always try and understand each other and forgive each other for their mistakes. Also, if somehow the trust is broken between them, they will not keep holding for the reason (unless it’s of an extreme). They will start building their trust again, by letting go of the past.

They Know how to Prioritize:

When couples start having kids, they oversee their own self. Thus, prioritizing their children over everything. It is true that the children want our attention and we need to look after them. But, it is also possible to prioritize one’s own marriage along with the children. Prioritizing one’s marriage will teach them about love and caring, and the children will actually look forward to marriage.

They Express Love Regularly:

Lovemaking is one of the top things which keeps a marriage healthy. Thus, a couple who is happy with each other, will express their love and make love as frequent as possible. Where they both try and satisfy each other as frequently as possible. This way, they are able to keep each other happy and satisfied.

They Don’t Keep any Secrets from Each other:

A happy couple will stay happy as long as they do not keep any secrets from each other. When talking about secrets, it includes any kind of dishonesty. Thus, a happy relationship is sustained by keeping everything opened between each other.

They Prefer to do Things Together and Yet Respect Each Other’s Distance:

As mentioned, they would prefer spending more time together. That is, they will do things like, praying, watching a movie etc. Also, they will give time to each other to let them enjoy the activity the other’s like to do. Hence, it is a balance between the two. Spending time and giving time. Thus, being able to understand each other.

Entering into a happy marriage takes a lot of work, but it is worth it. But, if you or someone you know is suffering from a bad marriage and need help, then please visit a marriage counsellor immediately.

Learn More about Dr Kohli.

All images courtsey Pixabay

Falling in love or entering into a relationship is a beautiful experience in itself. But, it hurts a lot when the other breaks-up. A recent study has shown that break-ups in teenagers and young adults are one of the biggest reasons for depression in them. Sometimes, it even leads to suicide as the emotional bond breaks.

Going through a break-up puts a lot of physical and mental stress to the person. Breaking up means destroying an emotional bond, and an attachment which the person has actually made and worked for. A certain intimacy is generated between the couple which is destroyed in an instant. But, that intimacy is not easily removed from the mind. It leaves behind an emotional trace, which needs to be healed.

Hence, below are 7 ways to cope up post break-up:

1. Write it:

One of the best ways is to write it down. Suppression of one’s emotions is the most normal response one takes. But, it is not a normal response to fall back to. One needs to feel the emotions, and there are a lot of emotions one feels during a break-up. Expressing one’s anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and writing them down, helps with coping. Hence, writing your feelings without any judgement helps a lot.

2. Eat Right:

After a break-up, we start to change our eating patterns. A revenge mode comes up, or we start to eat a lot. Thus, eating our feelings or punishing ourselves. Hence, it is important to eat a proper well-maintained diet, without changing our dietary schedules. Eating a protein-rich and high fibre diet helps in elevation of mood. Indulging in junk food or skipping meals will harm your body a lot.

3. Exercise:

After a break-up, there is a tendency to sit at home and cry a lot or wallow in sadness. Or, another reaction which happens is to over-exercise. But, both of these coping mechanisms damage your own health. Post break up, it is important to do good cardio exercises. This way, your body is in motion and the mind is getting refreshed. Also, exercising releases certain chemicals which lowers body stress levels.

4. Focus on the Positives:

When someone goes through a loss, there are a lot of emotions which one goes through. But, most of these emotions are negative. Thus, making it difficult to focus on the positive emotions, hence restricting your view and perspective to only the negatives. The best way to focus on the positives is to keep a “positive journal”. In the journal, you can write things which actually happened positive for you that day. At the start, you might have to think very hard, but slowly the negatives will lift off, and it will become easier for you to focus on the positives.

5. Do thinks YOU love to do:

It is hard to resume things you loved to do post-breakup. But, it is important to resume them. Indulging in things you liked to do, will start making you feel happy. It can be going out with your friends for a cup of coffee, or even binge-watching a comedy TV show with your friends. Laughing and self-care will help you cope up with your emotions better. Thus, doing things you love to do will help you love yourself.

6. Use a “Timer” to Rant:

It is natural after a break-up that you start thinking about your ex or constantly talk about them to your friends for months or weeks. Thus, finding the obsession with their thoughts uncontrollable. But, it can be stopped. To stop it, you can set aside a particular “timer” for yourself. This time can be 5 minutes a day or 10 minutes a day. In this time, you can talk or rant or write all you want to talk about your ex, but when the timer goes out, you need to say yourself stop. After this, you will tell yourself that now you will talk about the person tomorrow. Then, slowly over time reducing the timer. Hence, helping yourself getting over obsessive thoughts about them.

7. Give to Others:

Helping others and giving back to others makes us feel better about ourselves. Thus, helping us find our own self-worth and smile. Thus, one of the best ways to cope up after a break-up is to give others and present others with your love.

Sometimes, these things are not enough and the world feels a very sad place. After going through a break-up, symptoms of depression might come up. Hence, if you or your friend seems to be going through a break-up and you want someone to talk to, you can always choose counselling and therapy as an option.

To know more about Dr Prerna Kohli