Life has a lot to offer.

We sure agree that there are task-lists to get done, meetings to attend and exams to clear. But, amidst all this, life still manages to give us a lot of reasons and little things to celebrate. Not sure what they are? We’ve made a big list for you here:

Awesome Tips

• Taking a walk in the rain
• Smell of fresh-baked cookies
• The ability to give and receive love from your friends and family
• Hugging your kids
• Cuddling your partner
• Spending time in worthy causes
• The favorite desserts. Whoever wants to miss an ice-cream?
• The excitement when a flight takes off from the land
• Cold beer and a cricket game?
• Creating something useful to share with the world
• Reading books that along with, what? Cup of coffee, of course.
• Gazing stars under clear skies
• Encouraging your loved ones going through tough times
• Sleeping on a comfy bed. We’re sure you don’t want to miss this!
• Morning walk under the gentle sunshine
• The drive to win despite hardships
• Being grateful for what we have before thinking about what we don’t
• Playing with pets. Oh gosh! Their excitement and enthusiasm!
• Knowing that we are not alone and we can share
• We take it for granted but pay attention and you’ll see how it’s very enjoyable.
• The near and dear who never give up on us.
• Creativity all around the place
• Mind-numbing music that makes you go… whoa!
• Because good times always follow bad-times
• Humour and ridiculously funny comedy

….some More Awesome Tips for you

• Unexpected surprises
• That you can always begin
• Diversity (We know you’re thinking about different cuisines!)
• Trying new things
• The way how right things happen at just the right moment for right reasons
• Second chances
• When kids say, “Daddy/Mommy! I love you.”
• Free-will and freedom
• Seeing what you planted spurt out and grow into a giant
• Doesn’t make sense to be in awe for it?
• There are many paths to success, fulfilment, joy, and happiness
• Good food and good drinks. Enough said!
• Hearty laughter
• The fact that it’s all temporary. Nothing is permanent. You can always change it.
• Discounts and steal deals
• All free things. Pure air, fresh water, parents’ love, friends’ affection, partner’s attachment.
• Moments of enlightenment and realization.
• Enjoying silent times.
• Last but not least, all of you who are reading this list. We celebrate you all.

Is there anything else important we missed? Please let us know in the comments section. We’re excited to know your valuable perspectives on this matter.

Life is to be Live!

Strife and distress are not exclusive to places like Syria or North Korea. We face them every day in our regular lives due to various factors. Sometimes the enormity of pain and suffering that is happening world-over, could make us feel overwhelmed.

Before comparing ourselves with people who have it all, it is equally important to look at the lives of those less fortunate. This acts as a reminder for us to be grateful for all that we have and increases our appreciation towards life.

The fact is that in the bigger scheme of things, the time we play around on this planet is very minuscule and if we spend such short span in worry and negativity, we’ll never truly appreciate the miracle that life is!

Here are some of the reasons why life is so precious and after looking at them, you will definitely agree that it makes sense to look at the positives of life rather than just the negatives.

We move towards what we focus on:

.When you look at life as just a bag of struggles, we manifest more of that in our lives. Instead, if you look at life as a precious gift, your whole outlook and attitude changes and all the worries seem to shrink in their size.

Every failure has a reason:

Failures are designed to teach us the right lessons at just the right time that we need them. They are not punishments but agents of enlightenment. Instead of letting failures take us down, we should rise up and be more inspired to get better.

Pain is gain

Pain is an agent of awareness. It enriches mind over time. We grow and learn through pain. Use pain for your gain instead of letting it rain hailstorms on you.

Savour life

If we look at the whole of the Universe, the chance of you being a human on earth is one-in-a-zillion. Savour and celebrate every moment. Let it not be wasted.

Gratitude fuels hope

We understand that it is tough to feel full of hope when everything around you is shattered into a million pieces. But, when we’re grateful, we move out of fear into a state of love and security. These new positive emotions fuel hope.

Live it to the fullest

Life is too short to hold on to grudges and unpleasant emotions. Release them. Have forgiveness conversations. Live it to the full intensity that you deserve to enjoy.

Comparison kills uniqueness

Your life is unique. Your journey is valuable. You matter in this world and yes, of course, we need you. Quit comparing yourself with others because everyone is on their own timeline and no two journeys are comparable.

Share it

In grief, in loss, through the thick and thins, your friends and family are there for you to share your pain with. No problem is too big. Don’t sweat the small stuff and remember that it’s all small stuff.

Mental Health Concern – Whom to See

When you have mental health concerns and problems dealing with everyday life, you want to seek help. After that, what follows generally for most people is confusion on whether they should see a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. There are similarities and important differences too. Let us look at them now to clear your confusion.

Points of similarity:

1. Both work on mental health issues of the client
2. Both are there to help you with your problems and provide you with means to handle your everyday issues more productively

Points of differences:

Education:

Psychologists pursue a degree in the area of psychology, that is, the study of the mind and human behavior. Typically they have Ph.D. in Psychology or a degree in clinical or counseling psychology. Also, they are also well-versed with administering psychometric tests. Ex: IQ tests

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who graduate from medical school and they study the physical brain, its chemical composition, makeup and its relationship with human behavior.

Approach:

Psychologists look more closely at behavioral problems and deliver “talk therapy”. Thus, they track sleep patterns, eating patterns, negative thoughts or limiting beliefs that might be causing or contributing to the problem. Also, they conduct various kind of behavioral and mood therapies based on the particular needs of their clients.
On the other hand, psychiatrists are strongly oriented towards biology and neurochemistry. Hence, they check for other underlying problems like vitamin deficiencies and thyroid problems before diagnosing depression. They prescribe medication after their diagnosis.

Areas of help:

Psychologists are into various areas like marriage counseling, school counseling, developmental counseling, career counseling, counseling for an illness like stress, anxiety, depression etc.

Psychiatrists can be of major help in situations where physical symptoms reach their extreme like in the cases of major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

Where to start?

When you find yourself in troubled situations, it is better to start with a Psychologist as you don’t have to intake medicines, which generally have side-effects and some being addictive. Unless there is a major psychological problem rooted in brain chemistry rather than in behaviour, a good Psychologist should be able to help you out of your problem.

If that doesn’t help, the next best step is to seek Psychiatric help and use medication as a means of treatment in tandem with counselling support from a Psychologist. So, in advanced cases, medication along with talk therapy is the most advantageous as it settles the brain chemistry along with behavioural problems leading to lasting results.

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli 

All images courtsey Pixabay

Every Relationship has problems

Relationships help us live some of our most beautiful memories and at the same time, we often end up taking them for granted. As the saying goes, it takes losing something to realize its worth and importance. This is the unfortunate reality for many people living through fruitless relationships and most of them calling it an end resulting in unpleasant experiences.

In that context, being aware of problems that pop-up in a relationship and knowing how to tackle them could be a great value-add. It helps to remember that problems in a relationship are as common as pests in a crop. The problems in your relationship could be unique to your own situation but broadly, most problems fall into these categories:

Communication:

There is always that initial excitement and eventual boredom in conversations. It helps to keep up the spark of exploration and sharing interesting pursuits with each other. One also generally assumes that they know the other person but we are always evolving in our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Hence, it is important to keep listening. 

Trust:

Do you trust your partner’s opinions? Are you confident about their discernment when it comes to making big decisions? Also, are you confident about their ability to care for you in your vulnerable moments? Are you comfortable with them hanging out with their friends? Insecurity is a big deal-breaker and a vicious cycle to put up with. Instead, share your feelings with your partner and gain their assurance to feel light.

Jealousy:

Jealousy about one’s partner making better progress or getting more attention is not helpful. They are your better half and you have a definite part in their accomplishments. So, it makes sense to celebrate each other’s wins instead of comparing yourself with them.

Incompatibility:

It is better to figure out incompatibilities in the courting phase and walk your own paths instead of living with frustrations. If it’s too late for that, compromises may be made on all things barring core values by either party.

Sex drive: 

The excitement of the first few years wears off and it starts feeling like a chore and that’s exactly when you need to reignite it by trying different things and going to new places. Achieving things together also sparks the winning feeling and thus better sex.

Money:

It is important to realize that earning more often doesn’t solve the problem. Being smart about using what you have and creating small new ways of improving your cash-flows keeps both of you creative and happy. A comparison is better kept at bay.

Time: 

Yes. We live in a time poor world. We are more occupied than ever. Just when you feel that you don’t have any time for your partner is the exact moment when you should take out an hour or two for regular ice-cream dates or for indulging in hobbies together.

Individual space:

Spending time away from each other is as important as spending time together. It contributes for new experiences and growth better suited to individual tastes.

Heartbreaks Hurt Deeply

Heartbreaks hurt deeply and give a hard pull on the strings that we grew attached to. Hence, it leaves us ripped to the core, overwhelmed with overpowering emotions of loss, despair, panic, shame, and hopelessness about the present and future. They also make a deep dent in our belief systems towards love and relationships. Thus, no one anticipates or wishes for such situation and it becomes difficult to handle yourself in those moments while you are still yearning to re-live the good times with your mate.

However, the sun has to shine, birds have to chirp, flowers have to bloom and life has to move on. Hence, it’s best to get over the pain and emotional ache before it gets out of hand. Let us look at the positive ways of coping with such situation:

Coping Mechanisms

Emotions: The emotional crisis is real and pretty much everyone who faces the situation will feel just like you. So, avoid bottling up your feelings and let them out, through tears if you will. By doing this, you will make moving on easier for yourself.

Activities: Also, engage in activities that you enjoy and let you relax. That keeps the mind off the heartbreak and the feeling will subside over time.

Accept: Most importantly, accept the happening and accept yourself and remember that it was just a learning experience which will have a positive effect on your future. This one person’s love need not be the end of love for you. Avoid self-hatred and sense of rejection towards self and focus on self-nurture.

Mingle: Make it a point to meet friends and family and plan trips or outings with them.  They are your support system and will be more than happy to help you navigate your tough times.

Focus on moving on. Focus for a while on your career and family. If you help someone else out, you’ll feel good, and have a chance to take your mind off the pain. Good times are a great way to help you get over heartbreak. Keep ongoing with your day and focus on your work.

Serve: Community service is one of the best ways to feel a sense of importance, mission, and purpose. Helping others will give you good feelings and take your mind off the pain.

Shift focus: Shift your focus from feeling the pain of breakup towards building yourself. Focus on your growth by improving your skills, career, income, and health.

Gratitude: Be grateful for all the positive things in your life. Think about creating your future instead of letting a single loss destroy a beautiful possibility of life.

Fill your time: This might sound like escapism but it’s a good strategy in the initial stages after a break-up. Fill your time to the last minute on purposeful activities while at the same time, allowing yourself some space to grieve and let it out.

Seek professional help: Don’t be ashamed if you are unable to help yourself. A skilled counseling professional can quicken the process and ease the emotional pain for you.

If you Need Psychologist click here

Making Your Marriage Work

When there is a true commitment in the pair to make their marriage work, marital problems can be used as a harbinger for building a stronger marital relationship. Rather than lead to a divorce. Each person has their own breaking point and whether we like it or not, it takes both partners to sustain a marriage. A breaking point could be that you stop caring about what your partner does or says. Such events indicate to an individual that it’s time to call it an end.

Just looking at the ill effects of divorce should make us keep a safe distance from the idea, unless of course if staying is more harmful like in the cases of abuse. There is an emotional drain followed by legal hassles, financial losses and extreme stress due to the various processes and steps of divorce. It goes without saying that children take the biggest hit in the process. They will need a lot of emotional support through the process and also well into their adulthood to make sure that they live a healthier and happier life. It also affects families on either side, friends and social circles.

Problems Leading To Divorce

It now makes sense to look at the major factors which lead to this situation. Also, be wary to avoid falling into those pits. Here are few common marital problems that often lead to divorce:

Communication: Communication and friendship are keys to a great marriage and friendship can never happen when communication lacks.

Quality time: Disconnected lives and demanding careers fuel this issue. It is important to accept that spending quality time together sparks the passion and love in a marriage and keeps it fresh.

Intimacy: Intimacy is not just about sex, cuddling or kissing but it can also be experienced by holding each other’s hands and doing household/cooking chores together.

Money: The problem is not about having less money or more money but having different ideas on how much is needed and never reaching a common ground or due to unwise earning and spending habits.

Respect: There are no replacements to the good old trust, respect and confidence you show in each other when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship. Patience and tolerance add to the benefits.

What then, are the solutions? Here are a few:

• Remove the word ‘divorce’ off of your solutions list
• Find the origins of the problems
• Seek the support of friends and family in resolving issues
• Seek professional counseling if the necessity is felt
• Mistakes happen, and nobody is perfect.
• Talk about your needs, thoughts, feelings, and emotions to your partner
• Spend more quality time together
• Change the negatives into positives through mutual communication, respect, and compromise

If you Need Psychologist click here

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The Role of Grandparents

The number of nuclear families is at an all-time high with the sprawling urban culture in India. These family units generally consist of both working parents busy with their careers and more often than not, the task of raising kids is almost out-sourced to maids or day-care centers. In this scenario, the role of having grandparents is often ignored because parents perceive it as interference in raising kids and prefer to not have someone bossing them around on how to raise their own kids. While the intention is not to humiliate the elders but all they seek is parenting without excess criticism.

Grand Parents vs. Parents

The areas of conflict are generally around disciplining, T.V. watching, playtime, dressing styles, eating habits, excess love, protectionism, gifting toys, study-time, the right amount of strictness etc. All these disputes make one feel how much of lesser burden in handling the kids it would be if there were no conflicting ideas floating around. However, it is important to note that the advantages of having grandparents around outweigh the disadvantages. Maids or day-care centers cannot match the love showered by grandparents. To get the best of this advantage, one should learn to communicate and understand the limits and responsibilities. Below we are listing a few ideas for parents and grandparents to foster this possibility.

For parents:

• Avoid conflicts with grandparents in the presence of children and keep it for later discussion.
• Make clear set of rules around discipline and other areas and communicate them in advance
• Immediately spot out the instances of interference and discuss them immediately without keeping it for another day.
• Avoid criticism and praise the grandparents when they do a good job
• Trust their experience and make use of their wisdom and make them feel valued
• Foster healthy family relationships and communication through regular family meetings (dinner together etc.)
• Make sure to take their advice in the matters of child’s behavior, health, schooling and career choices.

For grandparents:

• Avoid taking sides with children especially in the matters of discipline, education etc.
• Respect the role of parents in raising their own children and take-up an advisory role
• Never criticize parents in front of their children. Keep all conflicting communication for a later time during private conversations.
• Avoid excess criticism and appreciate the parents and encourage them for doing a good job managing careers along with kids.
• Be aware of your own physical limitations and recreational/emotional needs and make sure to communicate them to avoid feelings of ‘being used and not being understood’
• Make your absence felt. Take short vacations, involve yourself in retreats and share the experiences and wisdom back home.
• When parent-child conflict arises, pay an ear to both sides and resolve it with a mutually agreeable solution

In conclusion, communication and mutual respect will make all of it an enjoyable journey in shaping the future of the kid you both care most about.

Who is a Good Mother?

Globalization has forever changed the notion and role of a ‘good mother’. Prior to the increased participation of women in the workforce, a good mother was portrayed as one who stayed at home and kept herself occupied with home responsibilities while the husband engaged in paid work. Modern ‘good mother is, however, one who participates in the workforce and to raise her income and skill levels for the benefit of her children and at the same time nurtures a warm family. This change in the ways of society, however, comes with a big question: “Who is to take care of the children at home while the mother is busy and away?”

One of the more convenient and cheaper options for urban young couples, who are far from home-cities and the care of their own parents, to meet this responsibility is to hire live-in maids who can stay home, manage the chores and take care of the kids. These maids are young girls, sometimes teenagers, typically hired from lower income backgrounds from the cities or villages. That obviously comes with the predicament that they often lack both the maturity of a mother and the necessary education on parenting skills or the right ways to raise kids. This often results in streaks of bad behavior from children and sometimes could also culminate into deep impacts on their psyche (like loss of self-esteem and feelings of insecurity) depending on how they’re treated in the absence of mothers.

Employing a Nanny for your child?

When we employ a maid for child-care, we are not only placing the physical needs, like bathing, feeding etc. But, most importantly we are entrusting her with the responsibility of child’s upbringing. Thus, it becomes essential to hire someone trust-worthy. More importantly, skilled in the subject of child-rearing, with whom you can comfortably communicate your parenting beliefs and ideals. Busy parents also stand the chance of becoming good parents by increasing the quality of time you spend with kids rather than fretting over the lack of quantity of time.

You can’t delegate your parental duties

It helps to keep a watch on her activities in your absence through some trusted source. You can arrange to keep a check or by installing a camera. Make sure to communicate with her the changes. Do not hesitate or give a second thought to replacing the maid if the criteria are not met. The well-being of the child is of more importance than the hassle involved in replacing the maid. Alternatively, you can choose a well-reputed day-care in your locality. So, your kids intellectual and emotional needs are met. It also gives the opportunity for your kid to interact with other kids. Thus, fostering his/her development in the right direction.

[Disclaimer: This article acknowledges the good work of many maids who have done a great job in raising the kids they are entrusted with.]

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

All images courtesy Pixabay

Mental Illness will affect one in four people in the world

One of the targets from the United Nations in 2030 is to reduce premature mortality from non-communicable diseases by one-third through prevention, treatment, and awareness of mental problems and well-being. Mental illness will affect one in four people in the world. With an estimated 450 million people currently suffering, mental disorders are among the top causes of ill-health and disability worldwide. Global Burden of Disease report indicates mental disorders account for 13% of total Disability Adjusted Life Years (DALYs) lost with depression being the leading cause. That speaks volumes about the torment unleashed by mental issues issues in terms of human misery, disability, mental morbidity, mortality, health care costs, economic loss and productivity loss of countries.

 13.7% Indians are suffering from various mental illnesses

India, in contrast to the developed countries, has a peculiar problem with the double burden of both communicable and non-communicable diseases (NCDs) plaguing its health care system. Mental, neurological and substance use disorders (MNSUDs), form a part of NCDs, are today acknowledged as major public health challenges. An estimated 13.7% Indians are suffering from various mental illnesses of which 10.6% require immediate intervention. Despite the scale of suffering, the treatment gap for all mental health disorders (except epilepsy) stands at a staggering 60%. Owing to the stigma attached, limited awareness, availability, accessibility and affordability, 80% of victims forgo treatment and care.

Mental Disorders affect everyone irrespective of age, gender, residence and living standards

Mental Disorders affect everyone irrespective of age, gender, residence and living standards. The complex mixture of biological, social, environmental, cultural and economic factors cause them. In countries like India, the social determinants of health like employment, education, living standards, environment, access, equity and others contribute significantly to both causation and recovery. Mental illness includes antisocial behavior, crime, domestic violence and alcohol and drug abuse. Mental problems of a chronic nature result in a lifelong impact and poor quality of life. Families and individuals suffer because of neglect, marginalization, and earning potentials. This adds to the woes of treatment gap due to the nature, duration, and impact of illness.

Addressing Mental Health is very Important

In conclusion, addressing mental health is important. However, it has often been accorded a lower priority amidst the competing health and social priorities; hence, the realized progress thus far has been far from satisfactory.

All images are courtesy Pixabay

To learn more about Dr. Prerna Kohli click here

Anxiety VS Stress

First of all, one needs to understand how anxiety is different from stress. In general, the term Anxiety is used interchangeably with the term Stress. Certainly, there is a difference between anxiety and stress.
Hence, Stress is a response to short term pressure but anxiety is the adverse effect of stress. Unlike stress, anxiety doesn’t have identifiable root. Anxiety tends to persist relatively long time than stress. In contrast, Anxiety is a typical mental disorder and tough to treat.

Anxiety

Likewise, Occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. You might feel anxious when faced with a problem at your work place, before an exam, or making an important decision. Certainly, Anxiety is not only temporary worry or fear but it involves more than temporary worry or fear.

Therefore, an Anxiety disorder can affect a wide area of life such as work performance, social and personal relations etc.

There are some general symptoms for anxiety disorders:

• Panic/Fear
• Change in sleeping pattern
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Uneasiness
• Not able to calm and cool
• Dry mouth
• Emotional instability

Causes and Management

Moreover, it is yet to find that what are causes anxiety. Many research studies continue to find the answer. Many studies culminated that many things combine to bring anxiety. It can be physiological or brain change, environment change or even it can be your gene.

Specifically, no lab tests are there to identify anxiety but the medical history and face to face interview help to diagnosis it.

Finally to cure anxiety, one must take a help for an expert or experienced psychologist. Who can apply appropriate therapy to treat anxiety disorder? For example, cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful to treat by recognizing and changing thought and behavior which trigger anxiety.
Medication of anti-depression also helps initially but therapy is useful for final results.

Depression VS Anxiety

Depression and anxiety disorders are also different, but evidence shows that people with depression often experience symptoms similar to anxiety disorder, such as problems sleeping and concentrating, difficulty in adjustment, irritability etc.
There is still no evidence one disorder causes the other, but there is clear evidence that many people suffer from both disorders.

If you Need Psychologist click here 

To learn more about Dr. Kohli