BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Stress Free Exams
Here are a few simple guidelines for having Stress Free Exams. To manage exam stress the student should do the following:
Have a regular exercise regime, (pre-exams in not the time to spend hours and hours in the gym) the regime should be brief and not very strenuous, a good idea is to do 20-30 minutes of stretching exercises, push-ups, sit-ups, planks etc
Set aside time to relax, i.e. watch TV, Facebook, etc., give yourself targets, once I have studied Maths for 90 minutes, I will Facebook for 10 minutes. The relaxation should be about 10% of the time. So if you study for 3 hours at a stretch, take 15-20 minutes break.
Sleep well, don’t shortchange your body on the sleep you require, during the exam period 6-7 hours of sleep is mandatory
Eat, and eat healthy, a pizza is not a bad reward, but your diet should consist of nutritious and healthy food
Avoid comparing yourself to your friends, specially the number of hours he/she is studying
Quit habits that come in the way of concentrating on your studies, this is not the time to indulge yourself
Don’t do any exam post-mortem, analyzing how you did on the exam is not going to fix anything
Something that both the parent and student need to remember is that these exams or their results do not define who the student is as a human being. The exams are only for a brief period and will come and go away soon enough. American Basketball player Kobe Bryant said “Everything negative – pressure, challenges – is all an opportunity for me to rise.”
I agree with motivational speaker Ben Caron, that no matter how good you are at planning (or preparing for examinations), the pressure (to excel in the exams) never goes away. So one should not fight the pressure, instead, feed off this pressure and turn the pressure into motivation to do your best.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India with over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Examination Pressure vs Stress
A lot of students get confused between Examination Pressure vs Stress. Both parents and students need to understand and appreciate the difference between stress and pressure. From a Psychologist point of view, pressure can be healthy and beneficial; it creates motivation and the desire to excel. Additionally pressure is what makes a lump of coal into a diamond. Pressure ensure that the student is motivated to excel, and doesn’t have time to be idle, and enjoys his or her free moments of rest and recreation. Pressure to excel makes a person perform. The term “peer pressure” i.e. when you find that a friend is getting better grades than you pressurizes you to perform better. Think of runners standing at the starting line of a race. Each one of them is under pressure to run faster than the others, this pressure makes them excel.
Stress on the other hand is negative, and manifests itself as depression, if it continues to prolong itself. Stress can be defined as “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.” Stress has connotations of negativity; and leads to a do or dies situation. One of the best definitions of examination stress is “Stress is defined as an individual’s response to pressure. A small amount of pressure can be useful to keep you focused during exam time. However, for some students, when they experience too much pressure for a long period of time, it becomes stressful and exam preparation and study seems impossible.”
The question that comes to mind is why do students (and their parents) undergo examination stress?
While exam pressure is expected and normal, in fact if a student is not under pressure prior to an exam that should be a matter of concern. The reason for pressure can be as simple as memorizing and learning a very large amount of course material, and being unsure of what will be in the examination paper. Students have this fear that if they leave a particular chapter or topic of the course material, the paper may just cover that. The other reason is that the outcome of the examination will alter the path of their future life.
Pressure levels and the ability to handle pressure vary from individual to individual, no two people are alike and neither is their ability to handle pressure.
When Exam Pressure is replacing Exam Stress becomes a concerning matter.
Both parents and the students need to watch out for these symptoms of examinations stress, and if they notice they symptoms of stress then they need to engage in stress release activities or if necessary talk to an experienced psychologist or counselor. The symptoms of examination stress are
Difficulty in sleeping
Difficulty in waking up in the morning
Low Motivation levels to start a new chapter, new subject etc
Procrastination
Not socializing with friends and family
Being nasty and unpleasant to parents, siblings and others at home
Mind going blank prior or during an exam
Feeling sick, or wanting to vomit, or rapid heartbeat, cold and clammy hands, unsettled stomach
In conclusion pressure is what makes a lump of coal into a diamond, but when the pressure becomes stress, it is a matter of grave concern for both the parents and the student. One needs to know the difference between Exam Pressure vs Stress.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India with over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Stress During Exams Season
As a parent of a school going child, there will be Stress During Exams Season. Either your child will be stress or you the parent will be stressed. This article is focused on the stress on the student and how the parents and the school can handle it.
The period of examinations is generally extremely stressful for everyone in the family. The child may want to avoid his or her exams. They also may want to avoid studying and revising for approaching exams. They procrastinate by daydreaming, watching TV, or wasting time on social media. As a parent you are worried about their education, as your belief is that if they excel in school and perform well in their education, they will have a larger number of opportunities in life and a choice of best colleges to attend. Your concerns are valid and legitimate.
Your concerns about your child’s future are valid about how they perform in their board exams, or other class exams. Yet you need to step back and appreciate how worrisome and intimidating it is for the child. Not only is preparing, and sitting for the exams a difficult task, the post examination period is even more worrisome. The number of children who start to suffer from post examination syndrome is astounding.
You as a parent have to be strong, and help your school going child through this trying time. You need to listen to them, and understand their fears and provide sufficient encouragement and distraction for them. Given below are my tips on making the examination time less stressful.
Pre-examination tips:
A relaxed and comfortable place to studyIf you don’t have a quite spot in your house, see if they can study as a neighbor or friends house
As a parent, understand that some children learn better with background “sound”. If they are listening to music or TV in the background for “white noise” it may be the best thing for them
Be flexible with the families schedule, to accommodate the your student
Connect with the teachers at school, to see if they have any tips to help your child perform better in the upcoming exams
This is a time to have a flexible timetable for your child, on when to bathe, eat, exercise etc. Remember exercise is very important
Let your child know that it is never too late to start to prepare for the exams or too seek help from teachers, tutors and friends
Don’t bribe your child to study, teach them to study and perform well for their own satisfaction and success
Planning a dinner, a movie or any other small distraction such as visit to a friend’s or relative’s house is a good diversion
As a parent, you need to keep calm and remain positive, your child will pick up your vibes and if you are stressed, this will add to their stress
There is always another chance in life, many times children get so stress that they take irreversible steps, you don’t want your child to take any steps that they or you may regret.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India with over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Blame Game – Social Media During Exams – Students!
Students and young adults spend significant number of hours on their smart-phones to access social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Youtube etc, but to blame social media for poor performance in examinations or wasting time when the student should be studying is incorrect.
What it real boils down to is self discipline; some students waste their time in watching TV, listening to music, reading books and magazines, gossiping or just simply day dreaming. What bothers parents with the smart phone is that small and handy device and that the student can in incognito access the internet on the phone when they should be studying.
Both the student and the parent should encourage self restraint when they are studying for exams, the parent should not have to monitor the student constantly. The student needs to be given guidance on how much time they should be spending on social media, so that it doesn’t interfere with their studies.
As a clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience my research and experience as a de-addiction specialist has led me to the following guidelines regarding social media:
During normal school and college days one should not exceed 45 minutes of social media everyday
During exam preparation, one should not spend more than 15-30 minutes per day on social media. This includes all platforms such as Facebook, Youtube, Instagram etc.
The student should know how to “reward” themselves with access to social media when they have completed chapter, subject, etc.
Accessing useful information on the internet to learn and prepare for exams should not be mistaken for wasting time on social media by the parents.
Exceeding these guidelines leads to social media addiction, which is no different from other forms of addiction.
Research shows that the attention span of normal students is of 50 minutes. Hence my advice is that after every 45-50 minutes of studying take a break of 10-15 minutes. In which you can do a relaxing activity such as stretching exercises, yoga, meditation, reading a book etc. Don’t relax by going to Facebook. My advice to students who are studying for exams regarding social media is as follows:
Remove the “Facebook” app from your phone. So every time you need to check Facebook from your phone, you need to open the browser and log in. Reinstall the app after your exams are over
Restrict yourself to 15-30 minutes of Facebook every day, and only go to Facebook when you need to reward yourself for a set of activities completed. If you target is to study 8 hours in a day, then only go to Facebook, once you have completed those 8 hours of study.
De-activate Facebook during this period
Install getcoldturkey.com on your device, this will limit the time you can access Facebook
If you feel that you don’t have self control when it comes to Facebook and other social media, hand over you phone to someone else for the period that you are studying
As a student you need to understand that by wasting your crucial pre-exam time of social media, and by not preparing for the exams, you are only cheating yourself, and nobody else. You can pick up your social media friendships from where you left off after you are done with your exams.
More about Dr. Prerna Kohli
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India with over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
De-stressing Exam Day
With exams around the corner, students are wondering on how to reduce their examination day stress. Here are a few pointers for those students who are looking to lessen their stress. We all see lots of students studying and revising immediately prior to the exam, as if they can memorize the entire course in a few minutes, this is a waste of energy and will add to your stress. It is a common sight to see students pacing outside the examination center with notes in their hands trying to overload their brain. This last moment stress will only make you forget what you already know.
A few steps that I feel help for de-stressing exam day:
Stop studying a couple of hours before the exam.
Take a few deep breaths and relax your body and mind whenever you feel tension creeping in.
Learn a quick meditation of 5-10 minutes and practice that while waiting to enter the examination hall
Avoid friends who cause tension or are trying to scare you pull down your confidence. Do not discussing exam topics prior to entering the examination hall, because if you haven’t studied the topic, at the last moment this will cause additional nervousness
Listen to smoothing and relaxing music on your headphones, or watch funny videos on your phone
Have an exam morning ritual, such as eat a high protein diet (curd + rice + sugar is said to help). Visit a place of worship, if you are religious.
Take several deep breaths to calm yourself while the exam sheets are being distributed. This is not a time to raise your anxiety levels.
Remember as you enter the hall, this is just an exam, and it doesn’t determine who you are as a person. If you are nervous that you haven’t studied enough, take this as a lesson of life to study more before the next exams.
Relax and do the exam to the best of your ability.
More about Dr. Kohli
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India with over 20 years of experience and has been providing families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Some Qualities For Your Ideal Marriage Partner
To the single person, the life of a married couple seems ideal. The married person always has a companion, someone to love and be loved by at all times. On the other hand, if you ask a married person they will tell you that married life is not a bed of roses, and there are many ups and downs and compromises in a marriage. Those of you, who have found an ideal mate are extremely fortunate and lucky, and their life will most likely be bliss.
Those who haven’t found a mate that is compatible with them will have a life full of challenges and stress, and the marriage can even end in divorce. Divorce in itself is extremely stressful, mentally, physically and also financial draining. While there is no sure shot way of identifying an ideal mate, given below are 5 pointers that will help you decide if the person you are considering to marry is right for you. This list is applicable to both men and women.
How does this person make you feel?
When you are with this person which emotions are evoked in you? Is it happiness, stress, joy, sadness, confusion? Do you enjoy the time you spend with this person? If the feelings aren’t positive, and happy, you may be heading towards a danger zone.
Do both of you have similar life goals?
Are your goals similar, do both of you want children, what do you think about success, finances, how much do you care about the size of the house, the number of cars and the job title.
Do both of you share similar beliefs?
Are your religious beliefs the same? Cross religion marriages cause stress, if one of you is an atheist, and the other one is deeply religious this can lead to turmoil in the family. Do you share the same beliefs on food (vegetarian vs non-vegetarian), alcohol, drugs etc?
Would this person get along with your friends and family?
Would this person gel well with you immediate family? Will your parents accept him or her as another child? Will your siblings enjoy his or her company? What about your friends?
Are you physically attracted to him or her?
Is there physical attraction towards this person? Do you like their smile, the twinkle in their eyes? Does the aesthetics of their face, body structure appeal to you?
In conclusion, if you find that you are incompatible with the person, it is best to end the relationship sooner than later. It is not sensible to invest time and emotions in a relationship which may not have a long term viability. Eventually it is your life, and you are the person who will spend the next several decades with this person. Choose wisely.
More about Dr. Prerna Kohli
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Teens Sex Education
If you have waited till your child is a teenager to discuss sex and sex education with them, it is most probably too late. Sex education for your child should have started when they were toddlers, and reinforced while they were preteens. Starting to educate your child about sex when they are between the ages of 13-19 is late. The work cut out for you will be much tougher. But all is not lost. It is better to start late than never.
Having delayed the discussion about sex with your child for so many years, you will notice that their knowledge and awareness of sex is something that they have picked up from peers, porn or other unreliable sources, and it will take time and effort to clear any distorted point of view that they may have.
Here a few tips:
Seize the moment: If there is a advertisement on television for condoms, or a television or movie show that is about relationships, this is an opportune way of starting the discussion.
Be honest: If you are uncomfortable discussing issues, please be honest about it and tell them that it is important to have an open channel of communications
Be direct: Discuss your opinion about oral sex or intercourse, and share your and your families moral values on the subject
Listen to their point of view: This is not a time to lecture or enforce your points on them, but to listen to their points of view and also their challenges and concerns
Move beyond the facts: It is important to discuss about the emotions, values, feels and relationships and not just about the physicality of sex
Leave the door open for future discussions: Let your child know that they can reach out to you any time it them want to discuss anything with you
A few of the questions you may be asked are:
What if my boyfriend / girlfriend is pressurizing me for sex? Explain to them that sex should never be out of fear, obligation or a tool to hold on to someone. Forced sex even with a boyfriend/girlfriend is rape. Also drugs and alcohol reduce the ability to make sane decisions. Thus, decisions about sex should not be made while either consuming drugs or alcohol.
Am I gay? Explain to them as they mature to be attract to the same sex is not classified as being a homosexual. These feelings evolve as one matures, and they will determine the sexuality with time.
When will I be ready for sex? There is no shame in delaying sex. While there may be a lot of peer pressure to partake in sex there is no need to rush into it.
Remember, as a parent, it is important to educate your child to stay away from risky behaviors regarding drugs, alcohol and other intoxicants, and to imbibe you and your family’s values about sex with them. The channel of communication between you and your teenager must always be open and secure.
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counseling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
आवश्यक है हर माता-पिता का अपने बच्चों से यह बातें कहना
बच्चों की परवरिश आसान कार्य नही है,और कुछ ऐसी बातें हैं जो हर बच्चे का अपने बचपन में सुनना अनिवार्य है. दुर्भाग्या से ,अच्छी परवरिश पे कोई गाइडबुक उपलब्ध नही है. कई माता-पिता के लिए तो यह ‘ कार्य दौरान प्राप्त ज्ञान’ का अनुभव हो जाता है. अधिकतर माता –पिता यह सुनिश्चित करते हैं कि वो उन ग़लतियों को ना दोहरायें ,जो उनके माता-पिता से उनकी परवरिश में हुई थी,पर दुर्भाग्यवश उन्ही ढाँचों में फिसल जाते हैं!
परवरिश का एक सबसे महत्त्वपूण पहलू होता है अपने शिशु से निसंकोच बातचीत. नीचे दिए गये ऐसे 7 वाक्य हैं जो हर माता-पिता का अपने बच्चों को कहना ज़रूरी है-
1. हम तुम्हें बहुत प्यार करते हैं: माता-पिता होने के नाते आपका बच्चे के मन में ये सुदृढ़ करना अत्यावश्यक है कि आप उनसे अनियमित प्रेम करते हैं और हमेशा उनके लिए खड़े हैं.
२. हमे तुमपे गर्व है: आपके बच्चे को पता एवं विश्वास होना चाहिए की आपको उसपे एवं उसकी उपलब्धियों पे बहुत गर्व है. हर बालक भिन्न है, हर बालक विशिष्ट है, अपने शिशु के प्रति अपने गौरव को ज़रुर अभिव्यक्त करें.
३. हम क्षमा चाहते हैं: अपने बच्चे से क्षमा माँगने में कभी संकोच ना करें. कई परिस्थितियों में आप कोई विशेष दिवस,या जन्मदिन या स्कूल का कोई कार्यक्रम भूल गये होंगे ,या आपसे कोई और चूक हुई होगी.ऐसे में अपने बच्चे से क्षमा माँगने में कोई शर्मिंदगी महसूस नही करें.
४. हमने तुम्हे माफ़ किया: बच्चे छोटी और बड़ी -दोनो तरह की ग़लतियाँ करते हैं. दरअसल ,गलती हर इंसान से होती है. जब आपका बच्चा ग़लती करता है तो उसे माफ़ करें. इस प्रकार अपने बच्चे के साथ अपना रिश्ता और मज़बूत करते हुए आगे बढ़ें.
५. हम तुम्हारी बात सुन रहे हैं: सुन ना एक कला है,और अपने बच्चे की बातें सुनना अत्यावश्यक है.उनकी कहानियाँ,उनकी अभिलाषाएँ ,उनके सपने – अपने फोन और लॅपटॉप को बंद करें और ये सब चाव से सुनें.
६.ये तुम्हारी ज़िम्मेदारी है: अपने बच्चों को ज़िम्मेदारी दें, ज़िम्मेदार आदमी बनने में उनकी मदद करें. याद रखें ये अनुभूति उन्हे आपसे ही आएगी. इसलिए उन्हे उपयुक्त ज़िम्मेदारियाँ दें.
७. तुम में कुछ कर दिखाने वाली बात है: अपने बच्चे को निरंतर यह एहसास दिलाते रहें की उनमें वो सब करने की पूरी क्षमता है, जो वो करना चाहते हैं. वो कुछ भी पा सकते हैं.
आख़िरकार हर बच्चे की स्फटलता की कुंजी होती है उसका अपने माता पिता के साथ सकारात्मक जुड़ाव. इसलिए आपका अपने बच्चे की ज़िंदगी के साथ जुड़ा रहना आवश्यक है. याद रखें, एक मज़बूत बच्चे का निर्माण एक टूटे युवा को जोड़ने की अपेक्षा कई गुणा आसान है.
डॉक्टर प्रेरणा कोहली के बारे में
डॉक्टर प्रेरणा कोहली का मानना है की ” आप अपनी परेशानियों के बारे में मित्रों और परिवार वालों से बात कर सकते हैं, पर वो एक प्रोफेशनल एवं प्रशिक्षित साइकॉलजिस्ट से परामर्श करने से बिल्कुल अलग है- जिन्हे ये पता है की आपको वास्तव में किस प्रकार के सहयता की आवश्यकता है”.
डॉक्टर प्रेरणा कोहली “100 विमन अचीवर्स अवॉर्ड्स विन्नर (2016) से राष्ट्रपति डॉक्टर प्रणब मूखःएऱ्ज़ेए द्वारा पुरूस्कृत हैं.
डॉक्टर प्रेरणा एक क्लिनिकल मनोवैज्ञानिक, कुशल प्रवक्ता, कार्यशाला प्रशिक्षक हैं एवं समग्र चिकित्सक हैं. वह जीवन संतुलन ,आत्म जागरूकता ,आंतरिक शांति पे कार्यशालायें एवं व्याख्यान प्रदान करती हैं.अपने ज्ञान और करुणा को बाटने को स्मर्पित डॉक्टर प्रेरणा कोहली सहज ज्ञान एवम् ठोस समझ को मिश्रित कर एक ऐसा समग्र दृष्टिकोण प्रदान करती हैं, जिसकी विशेषता भावनात्मक परिवर्तन के क्षेत्रों में है.
डॉक्टर प्रेरणा कोहली भारत की एक प्रमुख मनोवैज्ञानिक हैं और शख्स, परिवार, माता पिता एवम् बच्चों को खुश रहने की प्रोफेशनल सलाह प्रदान करती हैं.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Educating Your Toddler about Sexual Abuse
The unfortunate reality is that young children irrespective of the social and economic strata of the parents are vulnerable to sexual abuse. Sometimes it is the most trusted person who abuses the child. Furthermore, there is a belief that girls are more vulnerable than boys, this too is a myth. Children who have been sexually abused carry scars throughout their life, and it generally needs extensive therapy to help them accept and move on from having their bodies violated. This article discusses how a parent can educate their child about toddler sexual abuse.
While, as a parent, you can’t be around your child 24×7, you need to take steps to educate your child at an early stage as to what is sexual abuse, how they need to recognize and how they need to bring it to your attention immediately. Just like you teach your child how to cross the road safely, or not play with matchsticks, in a similar and non-threatening manner you need to teach your children about sexual abuse.
The 7 points to remember in educating your toddler about sexual abuse are:
Talking about Sexual Abuse in not Taboo:
Make the conversation with your child non-threatening, easy and calm. Don’t be nervous or flustered when you explain sexual abuse to them. Don’t make them feel that talking about sex is dirty or a taboo.
Start talking to them about sexual abuse early:
At about the age of 2 years, it is time to start explaining them about sexual abuse. During their bath time, tell them that it is okay for the parents to help clean and see their private parts, but not for others. At an early age, the child should know that no one, including parents, should touch their private parts (what is covered by underwear) unless they are helping to clean them.
Teach them names for the sexual parts:
Just as we teach them “ear”, “nose”, “teeth” teach them “penis” and “vagina”. Teach them about the sexual organs of both the sexes, because the abuser may be of either sex. Frequently the abused girl child will complain about the stomach hurting, as she may not know the word for vagina.
Private Parts are Special:
Explain the difference to them between touching the private parts and cleaning them. They know the difference. Let them know that private parts are private and that they are not to allow anyone to touch theirs, or touch any other person parts, even if it feels tingly and good. Many times the abuser will make the child touch the abusers’ private parts.
Nobody can hurt them, including the private parts:
Explain to them that no one has the authority to touch or hurt their private parts, and if someone does so, they should tell you immediately.
Any secret is still a secret if share with you:
They should know that they can share any secret with you, and it still remains a secret. The abuser many times, tells the child that it is their secret and not to be shared with anyone else.
Tell them that you will believe them if someone is hurting them:
Build the confidence with your child that you will believe them. They won’t be in trouble if they tell you when one is hurting them.
In conclusion, don’t have this conversation in one long marathon session. These conversations around sexual abuse with your child need to be ongoing and reinforced frequently. Thus being provided in small snippets which they can understand and retain.
More About Dr. Prerna Kohli
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About Dr. Prerna Kohli
Dr. Kohli believes that “You can talk with a close friend or relative about what’s troubling you; but it’s not the same as professionally-trained experienced psychologist who knows exactly what kind of help you need.”
She is a 100 women Achievers Award Winner (2016) from the Honorable President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a Clinical Psychologist, a Public Speaker, a Workshop Facilitator and a Holistic Practitioner. She offers Heart-based workshops and lectures that focus on Life Balance, Self-awareness and Inner Peace. Dedicated to sharing her knowledge and compassion with others, Prerna blends intuitive wisdom with solid understanding, creating a powerful holistic approach, specializing in the areas of Emotional change.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is a leading Psychologist in India and provides families, individuals, parents and children counselling on being happy.
BY: Dr. Prerna Kohli
Sex Education for Toddlers
As the parents of a Toddlers (0-36 months), there are so many challenges that thinking about sex education is the furthermost topic from most parents’ mind. Because, we need to raise healthy and sexually secure children, it is important to have open and frank age appropriate sex talk with children even at this young age. Remember, it is never too early to educate your child about sex.
Typically children will ask where they came from, and many parents will give stock answers like “we purchased you from the market”, “we found you in the hospital”, “the stork dropped you to our home”. These answers are neither true nor constructive. They should be told that that babies are born from the mother’s tummy. And if they want to know how the baby is put inside the tummy; as parents are ashamed to talk about sex, consequently most parents will avoid these types of difficult questions.
It is vital to share age appropriate answers with your toddlers when they ask you questions about sex. It is never too early to start teaching your children about sex, and so important not to embed fallacies in their mind.
Below are the most frequent sex related questions that you will hear from your toddler, and the age appropriate answer.
How do babies get inside a mothers tummy?
An age appropriate answer to your toddler would be that mummy and papa make a baby by holding each other in a special way.
How are babies born?
For most children it is enough that doctors and nurses help the mother in taking the baby out, for more curious children it can be explained that the mother pushes the baby out of the vagina (note use the correct word, so that in the future the toddler can recognize the word)
Why doesn’t everyone have a penis?
Explain to them that bodies of boys and girls, men and women are different.
Why do you have hair down there? Why is daddy’s penis bigger than mine?
Explain to them as we grow older our body changes.
Even if you find the questions awkward, move forward by answering them. Be sure to use the correct terminology as you are laying the foundation for a secure and sexual healthy human being.
Therefore, in conclusion, in your talks with your child, you have to instill the confidence within them that they can approach you if anyone ever touches them inappropriately, and how to distinguish between what is an appropriate and inappropriate touch.
